NFL Power Rankings Week 4

Good Morning Everyone, it's that time of the week again, time for my Power Rankings of the NFL and jesus fucking christ is this list completely revamped from the way it was last week.

1. New England Patriots (1)-They continue their brutal beatings of the National Football League, this week's victim was the defenseless Cinncinati Bengals who looked like the Bungles of old. This team has the best chance to go undefeated that I've seen in the last decade.

2. Indianapolis Colts (2)-Another solid outing, the difference between one and two right now is defense. The Pats have dominated everyone so far while the Colts defense has gone back to their usual self. Brady will devour their secondary and it won't be pretty.

3. Dallas Cowboys (3)-If one player deserves a game ball this week it is without a doubt Tony Romo. This can't ran more yardage for a six yard gain then anyone since Barry Sanders was in the league. Hell, they even have TO running down field to make a block clearly the team to beat in the NFC.

4. Green Bay Packers (5)-Congratulations are in order for Brett Farve. Not only did he break Dan Marino's record, he also found a way to win in Minnesota, something that has always been difficult for him. That Minnesota defense though is the real deal and should lead them to almost a 500 record.


5. Pittsburgh Steelers (4)-A slight drop after that hard hitting game on Sunday. They faced a team that was more prepared for them then most teams are prepared for the Super Bowl. Though now we know how to beat the Steelers, stop Willie Parker stop the Steelers.

6. Tennessee Titans (6)-No change this week, primarily since they were on a bye and couldn't take away any of the confidence we all have in this team. An easy game this week versus the Falcons then a matchup against two of the most surprising teams in the NFL this year, the Buccs and Texans.

7. Tampa Bay Buccanears (9)-A brief hop into the number seven slot, and a short stay I fear. Losing Cadillac Williams and Luke Pettigew is gonna hurt this offense unless they find some replacements fast. Don't be surprised if Gruden tries for one of those three running backs that Oakland has.

8. Jacksonville Jaguars (10)-Moving on up by virtue of a bye, but they haven't disappointed yet. Hell, most are probably shocked they are here. They need to keep the two piston running game on point cause Garrard is not your answer.

9. Seattle Seahawks (11)-I can't believe the season they have had, but I credit the defense more then anything. We've already seen the injuries slowly creeping up on this team's offense with Shawn Alexander's hand, they need to stay healthy to make the playoffs as Charlie Frye won't be leading them anywhere.

10. Detroit Lions (20)-A ten spot jump, I'm almost speechless. I don't know what is more amazing, the fact that the Lions beat the Bears, that they scored 34 in the fourth, or that they are 3-1 and in my top ten? Let's face it, the Lions have the heart of a Champion and are finding ways to win games, that's the important thing.

11. Houston Texans (7)-A four spot fall, though many will likely have them farther down. I give them the benefit of doubt seeing as they had zero wide receivers to throw to during this game. Receivers one through three were out with injury, plus Joey Harrington thought he was wearing green again. The Receivers come back, this team starts winning again.

12. Arizona Cardinals (21)-A nice nine point jump by virtue of beating the Steelers. This team might as well by called Jeckyl and Hyde since we never know which one will show up. One thing I do know is that this defense is for real and may end up being one of the top five in the NFC before the year is done.

13. Washington Redskins (15)-They had a bye week, they moved up two spots, so don't complain to me Skins fan. They struggled to beat the Dolphins, a team the Raiders just decimated. Your worse then your record shows but I'm giving Joe Gibbs the benefit of doubt...for now.

14. Carolina Panthers (12)-They will likely be in the low and mid teens all year long as this is once again the year of having a team with the talent to win but yet doesn't. I don't know where the fault is, I love John Fox as a coach so I'm leaning towards the QB situation but who knows. I just know that defense is playing worse then their talent level.

15. Oakland Raiders (25)-Another big ten point jumper, this time by the Silver and Black. A quick note for everyone, the Raiders have been winning in every game this year with 8:30 left to go in the game. They are a field goal away from being 3-1. This defense is a beat and apparently they can run on one of the better defenses (allegedly) in the league no matter who the running back is.

16. Cleveland Browns (22)-Another week another opponent none of you thought we could beat. I guess we have to hang with the Patriots to get any respect around here. Wait, no, they'll just say the Patriots were overlooking us and got caught. Yes, I realize the only person on our defense who can tackle is our rookie corner. We're still in second place bitches and we're here to stay.

17. Denver Broncos (18)-They lost and moved up by virtue of so many other teams sucking tailpipe this week. They're in games, but have the finish power of a Springfield Simpsons fish. This team has no identity and until they find one it will be a 500 season.

18. New York Giants (23)-I don't know who replaced the Giants defense over night with some freakish mutants, but it definitely worked against Donovan McNabb. I think we learned the real truth of the Eagles, without Brian Westbrook this team on offense is the utter shits. Their defense kept them in the game, but their offense looked like something from the Sun Belt Conference.

19. San Diego Chargers (8)-One of the biggest drops this week, but losing to the Chiefs is never going to impress me what so ever. Hey, AJ Smith, winning in the playoffs is admirable, but if you can't MAKE IT to the playoffs then what is the point? Any GM who hires Norv Turner as a head coach should immediately be institutionalized.

20. Cinncinati Bengals (17)-Carson Palmer struggled without Rudi Johnson, but this offense has this entire team on its shoulders right now. They can only carry the burden for so long until they buckle under the pressure. Right about now I'm guessing Marvin Lewis is wishing he still had Takeo Spikes.

21. Philadelphia Eagles (16)-This team is another split personality team, they destroy the Lions but get beat by the lowly Giants? Donovan is on his last legs and if I'm Andy Reid I'm grooming his successor as we speak since apparently without his crutch Westbrook, he's lost in space and constantly on his ass.

22. Baltimore Ravens (13)-Excuse me, Mr. Lewis, you like apples? Tell you boy McCallister to pick up his jock, Braylon Edwards shook him out of it so bad he looked like Quicksilver. The favorite team of the AARP still think it's 2000 and sadly there is no Trent Dilfer to lead them to glory, just breaks my fucking heart.

23. San Francisco 49ers (19)-Speaking of Mr. Dilfer, you know this had to be a tough week for him. He basically went to San Fran to be close to home and to retire without any pageantry or expectations. Instead Alex Smith is taken out 3 plays in and he has to come in rustier then some old buick that's been sitting in the driveway. Injuries are killing this team that most believed would win the NFC West, welcome to our pain.

24. Minnesota Vikings (24)-No real movement this week, but then again they didn't win. They had a bad no-call at the end of the game on the interception that could have changed things, but they didn't. This defense though is the real deal, lead by Chad Greeneway, and should have them in most games they play in.

25. Buffalo Bills (28)-See, I told you all this team had heart. Of course it doesn't take much heart to beat the Jets, they still managed to do it. We now have a quarterback controversy seeing how well Trent Edwards played. This disgusts me, but you know the last good Stanford QB in the NFL? Some asshat by the name of Elway who pulled an Eli before Eli was ever in pee-wee pads.

26. Chicago Bears (14)-Does this remind anyone else of the year after Dick Jauron led the Bears to a 13 and something record to fall to the depths of the North the very next year? I'm definitely getting that kind of deja-vu here. Louvie, if you want to change your losing ways put in the Boilermaker, eat up the clock with the tiny lil dink passes and let your defense win games. It works for the Ravens in 2000, it may be able to work for you too.

27. New York Jets (26)-The Jets will never leave the confines of the twenty zone in my power rankings until they realize their starting quarterback is a Duck sitting on the bench getting splinters in his ass. Kellen Clemens is the Quarterback youneed Mangenius, it doesn't take one to realize that. Hell, the rest of the league already has but laugh at you for being a snitch.

28. Kansas City Chiefs (29)-Perhaps Herm Edwards can move this team inch by inch out of the twenty zone. Hell, by the end of the season they may even be sniffing magical number 15. Don't do it Herm, stay low, that way you can draft Jake Long or Sam Baker high and start fixing that offensive line. You beat the Chargers, but you don't get to play against Norv Turner more then twice a season.

29. Atlanta Falcons (32)-They managed to escape the last place vortex and send another arena team there, so kudos to Bobby Petrino for his first win. I like him as a coach, and I wish him and Brian Brohm much success next year. This year though, I suggest putting Joey Harrington in a Ducks jersey all season under the pads, maybe he'll think he's in college again and keep playing well until Byron is ready. Also, trade DeAngelo Hall, he's a bad influence on the team and you could end up getting something you need for him.

30. New Orleans Saints (30)-Congrats Reggie, your team was on bye so in Skins fan logic, you didn't lose so this is a good sign. Seriously guys, you need to wake up, stop believing the hype and start playing the level of football you're capable of. This city needs you desperatly, and there are no more dreams of moving to Los Angeles or San Antonio even though we know Reggie dreams of going back to SC.

31. Miami Dolphins (31)-I don't know what happened to the stiff defense from last year, but I am assuming it is age finally catching up with these guys. It was supposed to be better with the addition of Joey Porter, yet maybe what they say is true. Maybe old people do really go to Florida to retire under the sun where the only relevance they have is during elections.

32. St Louis Rams (27)-Wow, this is a REALLY bad football team. Their offense of line looks like that o-line from high school from the worst team in the city. You know, the one who couldn't even block your grandmother in a wheel chair? Marc Bulger may not make it out of this season alive, which leaves Stephen Jackson at the St Louis SVU for being abused by defenses around the league.