Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Dews Recovery Wednesday

Happy post-April Fools day!

I have assured my place in hell for my own stunt (to be fair I was just leaving a happy hour, so a little tipsy and thus not of the best judgement).

I decided I hadn't played a good prank on my own mother for quite some time (like really REALLY good one), so I decide to give her a call on my way home from the bar... Conversation goes something like this:

Dews: "Mom... I think I really messed up..."

Dews Mom:"What happened?

Dews:"Well... I kinda got a girl pregnant..."

Dead silence...

Dews:"See, I kind of ran into (Ex's name here) about a month ago, and well... She's pregnant... I'm not sure what to do..."

More silence...

Dews:"NAHHH, just kidding, APRIL FOOLS!"

Dews Mom:"You little piece of (expletive deleted)! I'm gonna (expletive deleted) Kill you!"

Yes, I have assured my place in Hell, but damn, it was funny...

Anyway, on to the news!

Apparently I'm not the only one with a twisted bend on the world, as a group of 3rd graders plotted to kill their own teacher!

A group of third-graders plotted to attack their teacher, bringing a broken
steak knife, handcuffs, duct tape and other items for the job and assigning
children tasks including covering the windows and cleaning up afterward, police
said Tuesday.

Say what you will about my stunt, at least I wasn't going to hurt anyone! What is wrong with kids today?

The Gestapo strikes again, only this time at a baseball game right here in the sunny swampy Nation's Capitol, when someone taking pictures of our very new (and quite impressive) Stadium was ordered to delete them from Secret Service officers.
9NEWS NOW photographer Greg Guise was rolling when an officer approached
Mark Butler. Butler said the officer demanded he delete any pictures that showed
the security checkpoints set up to screen fans for the visit by President George

I could understand if this was happening days before President Bush was supposed to be there, but this just smacks of someone with a bit too much power and time on their hands...

And finally, in what sounds like a colossal waste of time, scientists have created a Human-Cow hybrid....

Seriously guys, if you were hard up for examples of human-animal hybrids, I coulda brought you to a dive bar I know in Barre VT, and you coulda saved millions of dollars right there...

That is all.


Dewey, Cheatem, & Howe said...

I know for a fact you've had good fun at that dive bar, despite the bovine-people hybrids.

SayHey Kid said...

I think Ray Krock and McDonalds created the first cow/human hybrid back in the 50's.

As for the prank- That takes marbles my friend!

Dews said...

I'm a dead man if I set foot in Vermont again, I know this...

My family has a mean streak in them, and we do NOT forget things.

And I have had a great time in that bar man :) My high school reunion is going to be there in June! How weird is that?

Dewey, Cheatem, & Howe said...

Your high school has a reunion there every weekend from what I can tell.

Dews said...

yea, kinda figured as much... I haven't been there since xmas time though, so I couldn't vouch for that.

Dewey, Cheatem, & Howe said...