For tonights debate. This comes from an ongoing dialog leading up to a Debate Party tonight. Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments.
1. Drink anytime John McCain says the phrase "my friends… " . I suggest shotgunning two glasses of white wine and capping it off with a terrorist fist bump.
2. Drink if the name "Carly Fiorina" is mentioned. Pull out the beer funnel, close your eyes and drink until the election starts to make sense.
3. Drink anytime a candidate LOOKS like they want to use the word 'recession' but instead says 'crisis'. I suggest a full bodied red wine with just a hint of panic.
4. Drink anytime either candidate gives the other a compliment so backhanded, you start looking for a bruise. I'd go with a spiced rum for this one.
5. Anytime you wish Tina Fey was a candidate, down 2 tequila shooters and google her SNL performance.
6. Drink anytime the word "inexperienced" comes up and you suddenly realize candidates need to come up with a new word to throw at each other because you are really tired of hearing that one.Double drinking if you get depressed and/or scared after realizing that you are choosing between two candidates who both have had that word thrown at their campaign and one of them will be leading the country very soon. I suggest doing a keg stand, followed by a cartwheel.
7. If anytime just hearing the name "Governor Palin" makes you want to drink, DRINK. Drink whatever is nearest to you, as long as it's not the stove cleaner. And then carefully re-apply your lipstick.
8. Drink anytime you start to feel that Jim Lehrer sounds like your grandfather. Obviously you are going to have to drink vodka for this. (It's my g-pop's drink of choice. It's the Ukrainian in us).
9. Anytime people start listing off acronyms for Federal departments and you don't know what they stand for- drink your neighbors drink. And realize that you are not alone.
10. If at any point, you find that you are replying to the debate (this includes yelling at the candidates) and are awaiting a rebuttal, slam back a martini. Then congratulate yourself for slamming back a drink that's not often slammed.
11.Drink if you start daydreaming what you would do with $700 billion dollars. Drink homemade moonshine with a chaser of your no-brand soda you bought because it was on sale.
12.If the phrase "I will follow him to the gates of Hell" is used, drink whatever the hell you want. And then have another drink for me.
13. Anytime the media is blamed for everything that is wrong, kick back with a shot of whiskey while clutching your Keith Olbermann 8×11 you printed off just for the occasion.
14. If at anytime you yell 'booyah!' after a particularly good retort, stand up, smack your own ass and pour yourself a gin and tonic.
15. Anytime you realize that you don't care about the debates, you know the issues and you know who you are going to vote for- stop drinking, congratulate yourself and go to bed.
GENERIC RULES THAT SHOULD APPLY TO ANY DEBATE:TAKE A SHOT:
-When the buzzwords “change” or “maverick” or “hope” are used
-When someone says “I voted for or against” or “He voted for or against”
-When McCain refers to Obama’s “inexperience”
-When McCain stammers and looks like he might have a heart attack
-When McCain somehow works in his personal story as a POW during Vietnam
-When McCain refers to the moderator as “my friend” or the audience as “my friends”
-When Obama somehow works in his personal story of being raised by a single mom and his grandparents
-When Obama makes a smirk, shakes his head, and says, “Now wait just a minute…” or “hold on there…”
-When Obama makes the case that McCain and Bush are one and the same or uses the phrase “more of the same”
-When Obama talks about “multi-tasking” or having to address more than one crisis at a time as president
-When anyone brings up “suspending the campaign”
-When either one lays claims to being “bipartisan” or working “across the aisle”
-It’s a Social when Sarah Palin is mentioned!
-Finish whatever you are drinking if McCain loses his temper!
ECONOMY SPECIFIC RULES:TAKE A SHOT:
-When someone mentions the “Bailout” of Wall Street
-When someone mentions Wall Street and Main Street in the same train of thought
-When someone starts quoting dollar figures (for example: 700 billion)
-When someone talks about mortgages/foreclosures/homeowners
FOREIGN POLICY SPECIFIC RULES:TAKE A SHOT:
-If anyone uses the words “surge” or “victory”
-When anyone mentions a particular nation as being a potential “nuclear” threat
-When McCain talks about Islamic Radicals/Terrorists
-When Georgia and/or Russia are mentioned
-When Iran and/or Iraq are mentioned
-When Afghanistan is mentioned
-It’s a social for al Qaeda or North Korea!
-Finish whatever you are drinking if anyone delivers specifics on how to get out of Iraq “safely and responsibly”.