Showing posts with label Happy New Year. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Happy New Year. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

End of 07 or Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right



Well, we have returned to our pilgrimage to Cleveland and it has been decided that even when we move to Houston it will be a yearly thing that CityCat and I will partake in. Perhaps next year we will go see the Colts game and hopefully exact some revenge on this half-assing assclowns.

It seems to be the time of resolutions and predictions, as we see by Dewey's post below, and I thought I'd give a few thoughts about the end of 2007 and what I look forward to seeing and what I hope will happen in 2008, what we shall call the end of the Barstool President.

We ended 2007 with a party at the Frat House that saw Dews in his best Judge Smells outfit, complete with hat and purple velvet jacket. There were plenty of bunnies (Playboy party), delicious pudding shots, and as usual at this location the arrival of the police. The neighbor, as usual, called the cops on a bunch of twenty and thirty year olds but this time he didn't report a noise complaint. No apparently this man claims some of our party patrons were having sex on the front porch.

That's no lie.

Of course no one was actually having sex on the front porch, since with the way the house is built and where we were we would have heard and seen such activities and would of course put up a live feed here on LSWTF. It's just another ridiculous arrival by Arlington's "finest", more creative then their "following the trail of plastic cups" during the summer birthday party.

There is of course the Browns-Niners game that we attended, complete with Browns fans with Colts signs and Jerseys (brand new obviously you could still see the fold crease). The 49ers are great dancers, as their running backs preferred dancing to actually working out and preparing for the game. Then again, that might explain their current situation in the NFL. Of course everyone left the stadium pumped, especially after witnessing Brady Quinn's first NFL game. Then the Colts went against the NFL mantra of "always trying to win the game" and let a really bad Titans team win. I can understand why, they're less of a threat in the playoffs.

With the offseason beginning now for some NFL teams, here are the five things I want to see done by the Browns this offseason.

1. Sign Alan Faneca. We have an amazing offensive line right now, so why not bolster it even more by signing Faneca to play our right guard? Would we actually give up more then ten sacks a year with the offensive line?

2. The Derek Anderson situation may likely be the biggest story this offseason in the NFL period. I would like to see the Browns offer him a one year deal worth the first and third round tender money and only let him go if what we get in return is a top five pick in the draft. If we were able to get Chris Long, Sedrick Ellis, Vernon Gholston, Darren McFadden or James Laurinaitis then we have to go for it and improve this defense. I put Laurinaitis in there because he's an Ohio State kid and is a hell of a football player.

3. The coaches situation aka Fire Todd Gratham. The man doesn't know to not run the prevent defense which allowed every team we were crushing to come back and compete with us and keep us the Kardiac Kids. I know he's supposed to be this wunderkid, but the man doesn't know when to actually call the right defense. If Romeo Crennell does do the stupid thing and take the Dolphins job we need to focus on getting Mike Singletary as our head coach, and of course keeping Chud.

4. Sign Albert Haynesworth. We saw how much he meant to that Titans team when he wasn't playing and I think he'd do just fine in the 3-4 defense. Plus wouldn't it be lovely just to stick it to the Titans? We have the cap space to sign both Faneca and Haynesworth.

5. Resign Jamaal Lewis. The man proved he still has what it takes and deserves our appreciation in a new two year contract with about a $500,000 to $1 Million raise.

Happy New Year!

The firm of Dewey, Cheatem, & Howe would like to wish you all a Happy New Year. We hope that now that you've sobered up, you'll have a spectacular New Year. Alright, I will now stop pretending that I'm more than one person. It's hard to write that way.

In honor of all the Top-whatever lists of 2007 going around, here's the one I like the most: Dahlia Lithwick's Top Ten Stupidest Legal Arguments of 2007. My favorites: that Dick Cheney is not part of the executive branch, the section entitled "Alberto Gonzales," and the waterboarding is not torture argument. I also got fired up by the Scooter Libby-30 Months is too much argument. Reading this list makes me yearn for more ethical Republicans whose lies could at least pass the straight face test, like Richard Nixon's.

I think that the most fun part of beginning a New Year is making predictions. What does 2008 have for us? It's going to be a very interesting year to say the least, so without further ado, here are ten of my predictions for 2008.

8. LSWTF.com gets national attention after several of its writers create an international incident while celebrating Battle of Bennington Day in Vermont along the Canadian border.

7. Mike Huckabee wins the Republican nomination for President after combining social conservativism with some populist politics. This prompts Mike Bloomberg and John McCain to make a center-right bid for the executive offices, fracturing the Republican Party.

6. On the Democratic side, Barack Obama doesn't so much win the Democratic nomination so much as Hillary Clinton creeps everyone out. Joe "The Most Qualified Candidate" Biden shakes his head in frustration. John Edwards explodes a la Howard Dean.

5. Recession: sorry folks, it's coming. The bastard child of the Bush tax cuts comes back to get us as huge government deficits raise the cost of lending, stifiling job creation and growth. This leads Democratic nominee Obama to a near electoral sweep in November. Dems strengthen their majorities in the House and Senate at the same time, as Americans turn to more common-sense, non-ideological solutions to their economic problems.

4. After Obama's win, Associate Justice John Paul Stevens announces his retirement.

3. Your 2008 Best Picture? Cloverfield. That looks freaking awesome. Your 2008 Ripping-off-a-great-idea-from-Heroes movie of the year? Jumper. What the freakin hell? Other movies I want to see: the new Star Trek movie, Choke, The Dark Knight, The Incredible Hulk, James Bond 22, and Zack and Miri Make a Porno.

2. Your year in baseball: I'm not going out on a limb here when I say that the Red Sox will repeat. Jacoby Ellsbury will be the AL ROY. Terry Francona has the best job in sports. Surprise of the year: Devil Rays make a early bid for the wild card, a prelude to 2009.

1. Somewhere in early September: the DC & H show hits the road and checks into D.C. for a couple years, be it at a firm or with the feds. I simply cannot stand Vermont women any longer, and I need to get out. On a side note, I'm taking girlfriend applications. You may send them to me by way of Dews, who I am appointing (for better or worse) as my liason.

And now, your 2008 predictions?