Monday, October 22, 2007

Greatest. Post. Ever.

We here at like seriously are very passionate about our sports teams. Some, like CityCat and myself are a part of the greatest group of fans on Earth, we're Browns fans. Others like SayHey are fans of teams (Giants/Noles/Niners) who best years were a decade or two ago, but they keep their faith strong and we can respect them. A few, like Dews, are a part of a fan base (Redskins) that think they're gonna win a championship. That is even when the championship game is taking place and they're not in the game. We all though agree on one thing, we all hate a certain collection of fans that exist in this world. The opening paragraph pretty much sums it up more then I ever could:
With the Red Sox advancing to the World Series, Boston College still undefeated, KG moving to the Celtics, and this year’s Patriots in the process of becoming the best team in the history of the NFL (and you’re deluding yourself if you can't accept the reality of that), we are on the verge of witnessing a perfect storm of douchebaggery emanating from the greater Boston area. We’re talking the absolute zenith of self-important fuckfacery. The sky will turn pitch black and rain vinegar upon us all.

You see, most sports fans don't hate the Patriots, Celtics, or Red Sox. Not at all, we can respect the way they play, how they go about things and feel pitty on the Bruins since their a member of the original 8. No, what we hate are the fuckin fans in New England. Sadly this epidemic was not nationwide, it had been contained to the Northeast. That is it was contained until Tom Brady and the Red Sox removed their curse. Now, you see "Red Sox Nation" nation wide. Hell, you see them almost as much as you see alleged Yankees and Cowboys fans. These are examples of fans that didn't exist until those teams started winning year in and year out and thought it was cool to be a fan of those teams.

Thankfully, Kissing Suzy Kolber also gave us some hints as to how you can spot some of these "New Enlgand Sports Fans".
2. Bitch about Dane Cook “representing” you while, at the same time, rocking his exact same haircut.

5. Be sure to boast about all the hot chicks Tom Brady gets to nail. Because that’s totally something for YOU to brag about.

7. If you put a five into a jukebox at any sports bar, you must play “Satellite” by the Dave Matthews Band at least once.

13. Be sure to grow your hair out under your artificially aged Red Sox hat so that little hair wings sprout out the side. That looks great.

CityCat said recently at our Sunday Football Event at Baileys while looking at a gentleman in a Patriots jersey, "Oh, you just pop your collar don't you." Yes, most Patriots fans in the 20s all look like the douchebags who pop their fucking collar, disgusting. She also has quite the disdain for the NEW ENGLAND Patriots for taking a region as their location and not an actually city. She does have a valid point, though I wonder how long it will be until the San Diego Chargers become the Southern California Chargers.


SayHey Kid said...

Man that was hilarious!! I wish you posted all the signs of Boston fans

4. Own $1,000 worth of Red Sox merchandise, but no Patriots merchandise whatsoever. The lone exception: The Wes Welker jersey. Pats fans love Wes Welker because he’s white. Just like them! They also love Tedi Bruschi, because he’s kinda white. And hey, that’s not bad either.

1. Use Manny Ramirez to justify all your stereotypes about Latin Americans, but do NOT use David Ortiz to refute any of them.

Oh and Id like to propose a new team: "The Northwest Territory Seahawks" to go along with CityCat's "The Lousiana Purchase Saints"

Dews said...

Just gotta put this out there real quick... I'm a Skins and Orioles fan, so the last 10 years have taught me just how unlikely ANY championship is going to be anytime soon for any team I care about...

Now that thats outta the way, my whole family (with the exception of the lil bro) are Sox AND Pats fans... This makes things really fun having the aforementioned sucky teams as my own.

Thankfully the Pats and Skins don't play very often (last game "Ball Coach" kicked their ass though), but unfortunately, I'll get to have my ass handed to me this weekend when my Skins are destroyed by what really could be the greatest football team ever...

Shane Rollins said...

The Great Plains Chiefs

The Bay Area Niners (since the raiders will move eventually)

Gulf Coast Texans

Mid-Atlantic Eagles

Northern Beltway Ravens

Southern Beltway Redskins

Southwest Cardinals

Shane Rollins said...

Then again Jerry Jones will one up everyone with the American Cowboys

Dews said...

Really should be the Bowie Redskins.

And the Jersey Jets and Jersey Giants of course.

SayHey Kid said...

We would have to divide Texas up as well. Could get ugly!

Rio Grande River Valley Spurs

Texas Panhandle Rebels

Just to name a few.....

Well it does pain me tho Dews, Shane nailed it. We havent had success in the bay area in years......BUT im hopeful.

SayHey Kid said...

Jerry Jones knows how to market....

The United States of America under God almighty Cowboys

SayHey Kid said...

Nice Dews. New York only gets 1 team. The New York and East Canada Bills

Dews said...

I'm totally fine harassing teams that don't actually play where their names say. It kinda bothers me when Fox uses video of the Lincoln and Jefferson memorials while broadcasting Skins games.


Move the Skins to RFK, or tear it down and build them a new one in its place!