Apparently AskMen.com put up their list of the top manly men in the world. CityCat and I heard this on the radio on the way home last night and about lost the dinner I had yet not ate. Let us review their top ten.
10.Christian Bale-Ok, I can dig it, dude is the best actor of his generation and is fucking Batman.
9. Lewis Hamilton-Who? Let's look this bitch up...apparently some british formula one driver...zzzzzzzzzzz.
8. George Clooney-Last year's number one fell far, but I can't argue him being on this list.
7. Steve Jobs-What, is he reppin the nerd nation? Far from what I would call a man's man.
6. Daniel Craig-Built, bangs hotties and is James Bond, I can buy his argument.5. Justin Timberlake-Excuse me? Sorry, when I think of man's man Justin doesn't even enter my mind.
4. Roger Federer-I know he's dominate, but so is Tiger. When I think of MANLY things, tennis is not one of them.
3. Timbaland-Look, I like Timbaland's music. He's one of the few new rappers I can dig, but it's too early to rock him here.
2. Matt Damon-Applesauce bitch
1. David Beckham-Look, if you want a soccer player on this list put Vinnie Jones.
Now that we have this horrible list out of the way, allow me to list MY top ten men's men. The rules are the same as their's, no dead guys. I don't want to have to hold Patton and Teddy Roosevelt apart for the number one spot while Steve Irwin falls from the sky on an Eagle. There were three Honorable Mentions-Viggo Mortensen, Ice T, and Harrison Ford
10. Brett Farve, Quarterback, Green Bay Packers-Hobbies-Throwing footballs, jean commercials, being the definition of ruggedly handsome, known as one of the greatest ever
9. Russell Crowe, Actor, Oscar Winner, Aussie-Hobbies-Making great movies, looking menacing even while sleeping, winning Oscars, being characters we all wish we could be
8. Kiefer Sutherland, Actor, Award Winner, Jack Bauer, Killing Terrorists, Drunk-Hobbies-resurrected career into an Emmy, has killed everything possible, defeated communism, drinks like a fish, has more DUIs then Hollywood sluts combined
7. Dennis Leary, Comedian, Actor, Red Sox Fan, Smoker, Drunk-Hobbies-Wrote and sang the greatest song of all time, did more to keep people smoking, drinking and doing drugs then people's parents, smacks Mel Gibson every chance he gets, went from being a great comedian with bad movies to a great comedian with a kick ass TV show
6. Henry Rollins, Singer, Talkshow Host, Actor, Complete Bad Ass-Hobbies-The last surviving punk god, puts more effort into one performance then Metallica has in five years, great political and social commentator, does USO tours in the Middle East, the reason Bin Laden is hiding5. Bruce Willis, Actor, Hot Chick Magnet, Singer, John Fucking McClane-Hobbies-Killing terrorists before Kiefer even heard of CTU, jumping off of Nakatomi Towers, exploding airplanes with a zippo, marrying Demi Moore, dropping her and picking up something even hotter (even if my father doesn't agree), Looking like a bad mother fucker 24-7 365
4. Sean Connery, Actor, A Fucking Icon, James Fucking, Bond-Hobbies-being Sean Fucking Connery
3. Samuel L. Jackson, Actor, Kangol Wearer, Certified Bad Ass-Hobbies-Delivering some of the greatest lines ever, making everything he is in an event, going around bitch slapping hos, on his time off his walks the desert like Kung Fu, elevating the bad acting of John Travolta to the point that people thought he could act
2. Matthew McConaughey, Actor, Drummer, Drinker, Texan-Hobbies-Drinking, Surfing, Brazilians, Banging Brazilians, Smoking Pot, Playing the Bongos Naked, Going to Texas Longhorns Games, Having any chick he wants with a wink of his eye, Rescuing mothers and children from coyotes, Sailing the Amazon River
1. William Shatner, Actor, Icon, Lawyer, Captain of the Starship Enterprise 1701 and 1701-A-Hobbies-Being known as The Shat, Being the God above all Gods for at least a quarter of the male population in America and beyond, Playing the greatest lawyer that has ever appeared on television as Denny Crane, Taking on Khan and the Klingon Empire and coming out on top, Has banged more alien poon then Han Solo
My apologies to Clint Eastwood. I just now thought of him and I'm kicking myself in the process.
4 comments:
Samuel L. Jackson also got into fights with- Sith Lords, Nazi's, Snakes on matha fuckin planes, gangsters, more gangsters, Ghetto Hooldums, MacDowell's Employees, Crazy Southern White girls, Boxers, Penguins, Sharks, Dinosaurs, Animated Supervillans, Terrorists, Bruce Willis, Aliens, Drug Dealers, Crazy white rednecks, ghosts, and anyone in a Spike Lee joint.
Sam Jackson should be number 1 matha fucka!!!
I would also have added- Cal Ripken Jr (The Iron man), Bruce Lee, and yes, Clint Fucking Eastwood!!
I may get laughed at for this one, but I'd add Bill Clinton. On the serious side: smart, powerful, probably a ladies man, and commands a cool quarter mil for speaking engagements. On the not-so-serious side: clearly an Arkansas yahoo, got a blowie in the Oval Office, basically gave the finger to Congress, and lived on to be remembered as a solid President by Democrats. Not bad, Arkansas Yahoo Man.
Also, great call on Rollins. I got to see him do his spoken word bit in Columbia, MO years ago. He went on a 45 minute rant about wanting to kill douchebags who hook up with hot women and instantly became a hero to me.
I'd add Timothy Dalton based on his recent run in "Hot Fuzz" and the fact that he was by far the best Non-Connery James Bond.
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