NFL Power Rankings Week 7

Another week, but one where my eye wasn't constantly on games. We all know that was because I was on leave with the rest of the Soldiers of Winslow's Platoon. We're fucking soldiers after all. We definitely saw plenty of movement this week, but I tried to keep teams that had byes at their previous spots due to the complaints last week.

1. New England Patriots (1)-Another week, another win, Brady gave me 68 points and broke his own personal touchdown record. Hell, the Dolphins would have been better off forefitting the game, least then Ronnie Brown wouldn't have blown his ACL. Any one who doesn't think they're not witnessing history is letting their hate command them. I don't know if Ditka could stop this offense, and he can stop hurricanes.
2. Midwest Colts (2)-An impressive performance last night by the Colts, and more importantly by their defense. They gave up somewhere around 300 yards on the ground last year in Jacksonville so apparently they were fighting for their honor as if this was some 80s high school movie. They're good, they may even be better then last year, I just don't know if even they can touch the Pats.
3. American Cowboys (5)-This week the boys beat the Vikings and was able to move the ball fairly well against a stalwart defense. They showed the giant gap on the Vikings offense which the Bears hopefully received before the next time they play them. Romo was Romo and it was an easy walk through for America's Crack Wagon.
4. Three River Steelers (3)-Ouch, you go into Mile High and play the lackluster Broncos and lose by a field goal. Well, I guess that was the rookie coach mistake. They could get to Cutler, I just don't think they sent enough blitzes against what is still a very young quarterback. Oh, and how do you forget to cover Brandon Stokley? I know he isn't a Colt anymore, but come on. The good sign is that they weren't blown out and Tomlin kept his cool.
5. Green Bay Packers (6)-This may be the only bye team that moved up this week and that is more because so many teams lost this week that could have moved above them. They have a big Monday Night game in Denver this coming week, and you know they were watching their game against the Steelers intently. Brett Farve has two weeks to prepare against the Broncos' defense? I feel down right giddy inside thinking about what he might do to them.
6. Tennessee Titans (9)-We all must stand up and salute the job Rob Bironas did this last week in the game against the Texans. Also, what about the remarkable job Kerry Collins did in not losing the game for the Titans. He drove them far enough so that the kicker could do his duty and didn't turn the ball over enough to lose them the game. You all also know that Bironas is now on Snyder's radar and if he ever becomes a free agent that Snyder will snatch him up in an instant.
7. Florida Territory Jaguars (4)-A tough loss this week to the Colts, one in which we saw David Garrard not play in the second half due to a sprained ankle. They were left with Quinn Gray, an undrafted quarterback from Florida A&M, that's not gonna help against the Colts. In the last drive of the game Maurice Jones-Drew also sprained his knee, so the injuries appear to be adding up for the Jaguars. It'll be interesting to see if their defense can keep them in games and maybe even win a few for them.
8. DC Beltway Redskins (10)-Joe Gibbs once again did just enough to not lose the game for the Redskins. Actually, if the kicker had been David Akers or someone of that nature, they may have lose, but they won so they have to move forward. Though you're fooling yourselves if you think there isn't something significantly wrong with this Redskins offense. It looks like Al Saunders was brought in, collect a paycheck, and deflect all criticism aimed at Joe Gibbs. He may be doing all that, the job he isn't doing though is that of Offensive Coordinator. I look at this offense and his previous Chiefs offenses, and they don't even appear to be the same plays. They look like camouflage Gibbs plays.
9. Carolina Panthers (8)-Another bye team that moved, this time one spot back. I wasn't sure why, but then I realized I bumped the Redskins above them. It will be interesting to see what team reappears from their week off, the team that is steady and plays fairly well, or the one that looks like the Duke Football team. It'll likely be another rollercoaster year where they end up 8-8 and John Fox will be fired with the hopes they can lure Bill Cowher to the job.
10. Northeast Giants (11)-They beat up SayHey's Niners fairly well over the weekend, which meant he won jack and shit football wise this weekend, poor kid. The Giants defense are starting to make me a believer. Now, if they can shut down the offense of a GOOD team, I'll be impressed. That comes in three weeks when they play the Cowboys at home coming off a bye. Talk to me then Giants, if you do it then I will believe. Until then, you're still on probation.
11. Can-Am Lions (19)-I know some people are shocked by the huge jump the Lions made this week, but they did beat a top ten team in the Buccs on Sunday. I don't know what to make of this team. I like their head coach, I think he's doing a tremendous job up there in Michigan. I just don't know if the team themselves have bought into the success they're currently having. They've been the welcoming mat for so long I think that's why you see them losing games they should be winning.
12. Southern California Chargers (12)-Finally, a bye team that didn't move up or down this week and just stayed placid in their spot. First and foremost my thoughts go out to all the players, coaches, staff and employees of the Chargers organization who have been affected by the wild fires ravaging California. They have the Texans this week, who they should beat since they are the walking wounded.
13. Lake Erie Browns (13)-The final bye team, and again no movement, see I can do this. I want to know what your responses will be after the next two weeks when we beat the Rams, then the Seahawks? After that we're going into Pittsburgh to show them that these Browns aren't the same team we were Week One.
14. St Petersburg Clearwater Buccaneers of Tampa (7)-I know it was quite the diminution for the Buccs after losing to the Lions, but maybe I'm not used to the Lions being good either. Hey, this all could be a fluke and the Buccs of Tampa could rally next week to it out on the limping Jaguars in the fight for Florida. I have faith that Jon Gruden is getting this team ready for the playoffs, now let's see them actually finish strong.
15. Great Plains Chiefs (17)-Another week, another Chiefs victory, and they keep marching up my board. I can't explain what is going on with this team other then they are the antithesis Browns. They have a defense that is going after people but they move the ball worse then the 2000 Ravens. I honestly don't know if this defense can keep this team afloat, to keep them winning games. The big test will come after this week's bye game, that week they host the Packers.
16. Eastern Canada Bills (22)-Yes, yes, I know. I've been the only person who has been believing in this team ever since Trent Edwards was put in as their starting quarterback. I also realize that they are probably about ten spots above what any sane person would probably put them, but they are on such a roll right now. They played the Cowboys close, beat an over-hyped Ravens, and you all will be talking about them in three weeks after they win their fourth in a row. They have the Jets, Bengals and Dolphins the next three weeks.
17. Northwest Territory Seahawks (16)-I know they won this last week, but they struggled against one of the two worst teams in the NFL, the Rams. I don't know why everyone is so infatuated with this team, but they haven't impressed me at all. I'm sure my brother-in-law doesn't want to hear it, but this team owns an AARP card and half their starters are more likely to be going to Dennys for the Senior Special then starting in a football game by the end of the season.
18. Southwest Cardinals (15)-A tough week for the Cards, they fought tooth and nail against the Skins and still came up short on the win. Wisenhunt has definitely changed this team's demeanor in less then a year as they appear to be in ever single game, even shocking people and beating the Steelers. If he can get Matt Leinart's head in Phoenix and out of LA, they may have a shot next year of making not just some, but a lot of noise.
19. Gulf of Mexico Texans (14)-I fear that this may end up being a free fall for the Texans. Injuries are starting to mount on the offensive side of the ball, though Sage Rosenfells looked incredible last Sunday. He brought the team back, and into the lead, in less then 3 minutes remaining. Sadly they left too much time on the clock and the Titans stole one. If Sage can continue to play like this, the Texans will be all right. Demeco Ryans though may be the best linebacker in the NFL right now, if you don't believe me, ask the Titans.
20. Lake Michigan Bears (24)-After getting clobbered by Adrian Peterson last week, the Bears reached down, found their balls, and were able to come back and beat the Eagles. I honestly don't know whose fans are more disappointed this season, the Bears of Eagles, but should they really be this shocked? The Bears offense hasn't been blistering since Sweetness, and the Eagles are nearing Seahawks age. If Griese can start playing like he did at Michigan, the Bears may still be able to make something out of this.
21. Rocky Mountain Broncos (26)-I don't know if Sunday night was a fluke, or a team from an alternate dimension, but that wasn't the same Broncos team that I've seen all season long. Then again, they had a week to prepare for the Steelers. We may see the real Broncos this week when they go up against the Packers on Monday night. Either they will hang in there with Farve and make it a game, or they will revert back to their pre-bye week selves and get rolled up like Colorado St.
22. Chesapeake Bay Ravens (18)-When will people start listening to me when it comes to the Ravens? Their defense is getting older, it isn't as bad ass as it once was. Kyle Boller is now their starting quarterback, which if I'm a coach I'd put 8 in the box and beg him to beat us with his arm. I will say this, he threw a bullet for a touchdown at the end of that Bills game. It showed me what BB must see in this kid, but they need a solution to their ever existing QB problem they've had since they let Dilfer go.
23. Bay Area Niners (23)-Even though they last by double digits, I decided not to move the Niners this week. There was some spark in the offense, and their defense was always playing with their back against the wall the entire game. That game could have been uglier then it really was, and since they do show some promise, I'm not gonna penalize them too badly. That, and they're a better football team then all the teams that are still on this list.
24. Ohio River Bengals (28)-They're managing to move up in the world, by beating up on the Jets. Of course, if they had managed to lose to the Jets someone was gonna have to take them out back and put em down. Their offense is still one of the best in the league, passing wise until Rudi comes back, but their defense is a down right joke right now. Marvin Lewis, defensive coordinator god, when are you going to start doing your job? I'm betting you wish you hadn't pissed off Takeo Spikes right about now huh.
25. Mid-Atlantic Eagles (25)-Looky here, another team that lost but failed to move down in the rankings, kudos to you Philadelphia! They were winning the majority of that game, so we can't penalize them that bad. I don't know what is wrong with this team, though my magic 8 ball says all signs point to Westbrook. Andy Reid better fix things quick, Philadelphia is not a town that is known for its patience.
26. Louisiana Purchase Saints (26)-They are slowly creeping their way up the board, and I know they're realized to be one more step away from that funk a few spots below this. Reggie Bush is on the cusp of remembering how to be a running back and not a wide receiver/return man. Once he has his full memory back, this team should start rolling along, which should help Drew Brees and the passing game. They have the Niners this week, so they very well could move up and take their spot at 23.
27. Central California Raiders (21)-The Raiders are beginning to come back to Earth, but their defense is still keeping it close. If you put the Raiders D with Cleveland's O, we might make a game for the Patriots. I think the Raider Nation is beginning to realize that Daunte Cullpepper has played all he can play this year and I won't be surprised if you start hearing the clamoring for JaMarcus pretty soon.
28. Land of a Thousand Lakes Vikings (20)-A pretty big drop for a team that has looked impressive on defense, we're talking damn impressive. This drop however is not cause of their failure, on the contrary. They did decent this past weekend against the Cowboys. No, this ranking is due to the total ineptitude of the Viking's passing game. They were 6 for 19, for the entire game. No, that isn't a typo. Their offense had a total of 42 plays during the ENTIRE GAME. You will not win a game with only 42 plays of minimal yardage.
29. Jersey Jets (29)-Their offense found life this week, but then again it was against a Bengals defense. I don't know if that Bengals' defense could stop some of the local high school teams in the area. Though I am absolutely loving how all Jets fans are quickly jumping off the Mangenius bandwagon as quickly as humanly possible. Yo, Eric M, it doesn't take a genius to know that you should have started Clemens as your quarterback as early as three weeks ago sparky.
30. Lower Appalachian Falcons (30)-I still have zero clue as to how this team managed to win one game, especially over the Texans. All I can say is that it is proof of Chaos Magic and the effects it can have over all things. I just want to give a bit of advice to rookie coach Bobby Petrino. I know you're hampered at quarterback, here's my suggestion. Strap down, and turn this team into a running juggernaut. Smash mouth, up the middle, og running. If Joey or Byron has to throw, make sure it isn't longer then ten yards. Control the clock, hit people, and don't put the ball into your quarterback's hands.
31. Mississippi River Rams (32)-They moved above the Dolphins this week, but sadly it isn't because they found a missing piece, or started doing something right. No, now that the Dolphins have lost their only offensive weapon in the form of Ronnie Brown, the coffin lid was just put on their season. The first nail will be delievered by the Giants this weekend with a London nail in Wembley Stadium. The Rams may win a game,they play the Falcons in a few weeks.
32. Bahamas Dolphins (31)-That was it, the last key in the puzzle to the question of whether the Dolphins will go winless or not. Dolphins lose Ronnie Brown for the season, god I shouldn't be happy over someone hurting themselves, especially a player as good as Ronnie Brown, but I want the dream season. I want to laugh in the face of the 72 Dolphins.