NFL Power Rankings Week 10

I don't know who came up with the idea of "bye weeks" but I hate them. It is not just I that hate this person or persons, but it is my entire fantasy team that hates them. Tom Brady on the bench left me with Damon Huard and his whole five points, five fucking points. Oh, and Steve Smith, feel free to go back to being your freaky self, this mediocre bullshit the last three weeks is not helping your chances of staying on my team. I know it's hard since you have Father Time and Dainty Mittens throwing you the ball, but anything can help right now.

1. New England Patriots (1)-You heard my complaints above, the Patriots are on bye so my entire offense of Tom Brady has disappeared. Thankfully I'm still in the playoff race, and Brady is playing the AFC Least, I will accept my trophy any day now, thank you.
Projected Finish 19-0
2. Dallas Cowboys (3)-A decent showing against a surging Giants team this week by the Cowboys. I know many are picking them the team to beat in the NFC, but I'm going with the other one, but they are playing the best ball right now in the NFC. The winner between the Packers and Cowboys will get home field advantage and a trip to the Super Bowl.
Projected Finish 13-3
3. Green Bay Packers (5)-Did I miss a memo or did the Packers actually find some kind of running game in the form of the Golden Domer Ryan Grant? They shut down the Vikings and crucified Purple Jesus, yes I went there. I honestly believe this is the gunslinger's last hurrah and he wants to ride off into the sunset, and apparently the football gods want that too, or did you not see that touchdown throw?
Projected Finish 15-1
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (4)-I know, the Packers jumped them this week, but they did beat Purple Jesus. The Steelers though will have a tough time against a team who knows how to do two things, cover Hines Ward and stop Willie Parker. The Browns did two of those three, but the asshat defensive coordinator couldn't remember to cover Ward.
Projected Finish 13-3
5. Indianapolis Colts (2)-Things are not looking pretty in Indy right now. I think Peyton Manning is the only player who hasn't been injured this season, and you know he's long overdue for some kind of gruesome injury. He's been rather lucky all his career, he keeps losing players he may have no one to protect him.
Projected Finish 14-2
6. Jacksonville Jaguars (11)-Where in the world did they find this kid Quinn Gray? His first start he barely puts up any stats, this week he was able to, with the help of a great running game, more or less torch the Titans. Could this be the second coming of Tony Romo? If Short Pudgy Jesus (M.J.D.) keeps running like that, he very well appear that way.
Projected Finish 10-6
7. Tennessee Titans (6)-They get the benefit that everyone from 6-10 lost a game this week, so their rankings were not hurt that bad. I don't know what is going on, but does it appear to anyone that this offense appears to be regressing in some manner? Is Norm Chow checked out and thinking about a possible Michigan job that may be open at the end of the season?
Projected Finish 11-5
8. New York Giants (8)-Losing to the Cowboys in a fairly close game neither hurt nor helped the New York Football Giants. Their offense is still not impressive, least not to me, but that defense is going to be the thing that might get them into the playoffs. They just have to fit off the Coughlin, and they may have a shot in a very weak NFC.
Projected Finish 9-7
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (10)-One correction, the Buccs didn't lose this week, but they did have a bye. Though with everyone else losing it did get them moved up one spot, so a successful week I suppose. I think Jon Gruden has this team believing in itself, and they see the landscape around them and they believe they honestly can cause some havoc and fight their way into the Super Bowl.
Projected Finish 11-5
10. Cleveland Browns (9)-They only fall one spot, just imagine what would have happened if they had managed to beat the Steelers. Romeo Crennel obviously needs a book to explain that taking a timeout to think about challenging and then challenging a play that could go either way is not a wise thing to do. We win if there was one more time out as another play would have gotten us closer. Well, maybe not win, but at least into overtime. The rest of the season is against .500 or below teams.
Projected Finish 12-4
11. Detroit Lions (7)-Somehow they decided to regress this week and play like last year's Lions. Then again, maybe Arizona actually played up to potential this week. Either way it has to be a huge letdown after the lashing they gave the Broncos to lose to the Cardinals and Kurt Warner. They'll bounce back though, Kitna won't let them falter.
Projected Finish 9-7
12. San Diego Chargers (17)-Can someone please tell me when the Chargers are going to decide on what type of team they're going to be? Perhaps they're just going to let Cromartie win all their games for them? I know we all know this all stems from the fact Norv Turner is their head coach, but come on. Projected Finish 10-6
13. Buffalo Bills (14)-It is never pretty, it's always a dog fight, but the Bills are finding ways to win. Sadly they have to play some tough teams on the remained of their schedule, but they are showing promise. I would not be shocked in the slightest if this team is a wild card team next year. They're not there this year, but they'll be a good number of "experts" sleeper team next year.
Projected Finish 7-9
14. Seattle Seahawks (19)-I was hoping that the Seahawks were going to go into the playoffs with a losing record but winning the NFC West, sadly I don't think that's going to happen anymore. I don't think they'll get out of the first round, but they'll at least have a winning record. I'd write more about the Seahawks, but they're a curling team.
Projected Finish 10-6
15. Washington Redskins (12)-Good job skins, you've managed to slip below Seattle in the Power Rankings, aren't you proud? Apparently there is a FireJoeGibssNow.com website that has sprung up, you fans are so fickle. I never knew that Redskin fans could be like Michigan and Ohio St fans all rolled into one, astounding.
Projected Finish 9-7
16. New Orleans Saints (13)-They had looked like last year's Cinderella team again, then they met a St Louis team that looked like the team everyone was expecting this year. I know they hope the Rams were just playing above and beyond, but if they weren't my prediction is completely fubar and they're just another underachieving team.
Projected Finish 10-6
17. Arizona Cardinals (21)-Ask yourself, which team has the bigger case of schizophrenia right now, the San Diego Chargers or the Arizona Cardinals? They went and beat the Lions, with Kurt Warner of all people as their quarterback. Their defense is getting better each week, I only have one question though, has anyone seen or heard from Edgerin James?
Projected Finish 7-9
18. Denver Broncos (22)-I may actually want to put the Broncos into the Chargers and Cardinals category of having severe schizophrenia, but then they don't have the C and it would break the trend wouldn't it? I should have known better then to have a QB who was playing one of my most hated foes, though I hope the Raiders beat them this year, I really do.
Projected Finish 7-9
19. Houston Texans (15)-The bye week for the Texans should heal a great deal of their injuries, but can they keep fighting like they have been? Will Sage Rosenfels keep playing the way he's playing and create a QB controversy in Houston? We may not find the answers this season, but they've been drafting wisely and next year they'll be everyone's sleeper also...for the third straight year.
Projected Finish 5-11
20. Philadelphia Eagles (23)-Some have said that those who are saying the Eagles are playing for their season, some for their very careers, are over exaggerating. I say for shame on you for claiming that, for that is precisely what the Eagles and more specifically Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb are doing as I type this. I won't be surprised if the Eagles "suggest" to Reid to retire at the end of the season so they can get a one of the Ryan boys.
Projected Finish 9-7
21. Kansas City Chiefs (18)-A tough week for Herm Edwards and the Chiefs quarterback, whoever that may be. Apparently Croyle will be the first Chiefs QB draft pick to start a game for them since Todd Blackledge did it in 1983, and you thought Jon Gruden liked veteran quarterbacks. I would never wish bad things on a team, but after Huard performance die Chiefs.
Projected Finish 8-8
22. Cincinnati Bengals (24)-Wow, it doesn't shock me that this offense got into scoring range at least seven times against the Ravens. What surprised me is that they couldn't score a touchdown and broke the NFL record for field goals in a game. You would never suspect that the 21 points scored by the Bengals were all field goals would you? Neither would I.
Projected Finish 5-11
23. Minnesota Vikings (20)-Nothing went right for the Vikings on Sunday, especially that touchdown pass that was defended by the Marx Brothers. This just in, Purple Jesus is injured, the Vikings will now lose every game from here on out since they only have a defense and the NFL declined to allow them the use of one of the local high school team's offensive squad.
Projected Finish 3-13
24. Carolina Panthers (16)-The precarious fall from grace led by Father Time, Dainty Mittens and The Artist Formerly Known as Steve Smith. When you lose to the Falcons I will automatically dock you six spots, at minimum. If this was another year, where there weren't that many bad teams, they could be dead last, luckily for them there is still the Dolphins.
Projected Finish 5-11
25. Chicago Bears (26)-In what had to be the ugliest combined QB performances of all time, the Bears crawled their way to a win against the Oakland Raiders. Not since Cade McKown and Todd Marinovich met on someone's Madden has a game played by quarterbacks look this bad. I have them winning two more games, I don't know why, I think it's because they play worse teams then themselves, if that's even possible.
Projected Finish 6-12
26. Baltimore Ravens (25)-Is anyone still thinking that this is a good football team? If they are, someone needs to take them out back and put the hose to them. The Raiders think their offense is a joke, it's that bad. Ray Lewis and his mighty Bad Boy defense are finally starting to show their age. The offensive genius will be out of a job next year, but who will they tab to replace him? My guess is none other then Peter Angelos.
Projected Finish 5-11
27. Oakland Raiders (27)-If someone could stir the Emperor from his sleeping in coffins and drinking of baby blood can they pass him the memo to let his head coach know that now is the time to play JaMarcus Russell and have this ravenous, homicidal fans get some kind of hope for the future of this franchise? I know it takes a lot to recover from Bill Callahan, but it's time to put in the Tiger and show us what he's got.
Projected Finish 4-12
28. Atlanta Falcons (29)-The Falcons have won two games in a row by the scores 20-16 and 20-13. I don't know if you know this, but those scores are the combinations to Lucifer's safe that jump starts Armageddon and brings down hell fire and brimstone upon all of us. Joey Harrington apparently talked to Joe Namath, got his contact, sold his soul to the right people and looks like an NFL qb for the first time in his notorious career.
Projected Finish 3-13
29. St Louis Rams (31)-The Rams did what I predicted they would do and have begun to turn things around. Stephen Jackson managed to use the bye week to hell his boo boos and the Rams more or less ran over the Saints. I don't know if they can keep up this winning until the end of the season, but they do have a fairly light schedule the rest of the way.
Projected Finish 5-11
30. New York Jets (28)-The Jets took the week off this week, and still managed to lose a game. Kellen Clemens will at least make the games a bit closer then Pennington was making them, but they don't have a chance in hell of winning another game this season. The only question is whether they will do the smart thing in the draft, which they have been doing, or something immensely stupid.
Projected Finish 1-15
31. San Francisco 49ers (30)-I know SayHey will not be happy with this placement, but this is not a very good football team right now. The defense shows signs of promise, that there is actually something there in the making. Their offense though is one of the most abysmal in the league, and I've watched Raider and Raven games. I'm not ready to call Alex Smith a bust, he can't do anything without any weapons, but it's getting close.
Projected Finish 3-13
32. Miami Dolphins (32)-A bye week, which I'm sure all the Dolphins enjoyed not losing for a week. Of course they didn't get any help when Shula opened his fat trap and talked shit on the Patriots, giving them even more motivation to break scoring records against the Dolphins later in the season. You know, so there can be an asterik.
Projected Finish 0-16