2009 NFL Predictions Pre-Training Camp Edition

We must be feeling patriotic or something, there is suddenly once again life in this ole boy. Yesterday we discussed the MLB All Star game and the rosters that SHOULD be in place...even if Dews' hard-on for Markakis can't allow him to see straight. Today we are discussing the upcoming football season.

We are less than a month away from training camp opening so I thought I'd throw out my initial prediction on what I think next year's draft order is gonna look like, and maybe even a little bit about why I see things happening this way.

Now some may call me a homer, but I did a good amount of research on each team, their acquisitions and took into consideration many factors that lead me to this conclusion. It was a very thorough and scientific research study.

1. Oakland Raiders 3-13
I think folks will be surprised week one, and then not again until they draft some Lithuanian named Drago with the first pick of next year's draft.
2. St Louis Rams 3-13
I love their new coach, I think he will do well, but the pieces are still missing. Their three wins will be shockers, but I fear at next year's draft they'll be taking Bulger's replacement.
3. Denver Broncos 3-13
I got this itch in the back of my head that says McDaniel let Cutler get away because 1. He's a Commodore and 2. He has something planned in next year's draft and needs this team to suck till then. My prediction? His plans wears jorts, crocs and is a jesus freak.
4. Detroit Lions 4-12
Look, I know they're still not out of the top five in the draft, but that is four more games then they won all of last year, that's progress.
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 5-11
The following seven teams all have the same record, so you can put them anywhere from 5 to 11. New coach, crashes and burns as Chucky laughs in the MNF booth.
6. Seattle Seahawks 5-11
Can Jim Mora last a season? He has a WR, but I think Hasslebeck will once again get hurt, and they still have zero running game to speak of. A tough tough season for Seattle.
7. New York Jets 5-11
Not a bad year for a rookie head coach, with a rookie QB, but they deal with the fact they now have to play Tom Brady again and TO twice a year.
8. Cincinnati Bengals 5-11
Everyone seems to think the Bengals will be back, but their defense is still suspect. Chris Henry will get arrested. Chad Ochocinco is about the only weapon Palmer has, and Andre Smith may be a beast but he's the only one on that line.
9. Jacksonville Jaguars 5-11
Sorry Jack Del Rio, this will be your final year in sunny Florida. It's a shame because I really like him as a coach, but your former GM put you too far behind the 8-ball to let you get out this year.
10. Dallas Cowboys 5-11
How bout dem Cowboys?! Sorry Wade, but this will be your last season as coach. You're playing in the second toughest division in football and unless you WISELY run your offense with a three headed monster running attack and only letting Romo throw the ball ten times a game, well like the Detective said, where are you going? Fuckin nowhere...
11. Carolina Panthers 5-11
Sadly once again Jake Delhomme gets knocked out of the season and they struggle the rest of the year. I like this team, I think it will be really good again soon, this year's schedule though is no picnic.
12. Miami Dolphins 7-9
They take a step back slightly, but only because other teams take step forwards. I do think Ronnie Brown has a good chance to lead the NFL in rushing this year though.
13. Tennessee Titans 8-8
Kerry Collins falls off the wagon to start the season, and Vince Young finally starts again to at least get this team back to .500. They really miss Haynesworth this season.
14. Kansas City Chiefs 8-8
The first time I went through my predictions they didn't have this much, but then I took two things into consideration. One, they play the Raiders and Broncos twice. They have a QB who is at least serviceable. Larry Johnson may be rejuvenated a bit by all the passing that will be happening.
15. San Francisco 49ers 8-8
This isn't due to any kind of quarterback play, but due to old school smash mouth football. Frank Gore leads the NFC in rushing and Patrick Willis gets defensive player of the year honors. Could be higher if they trade for Derek Anderson in week five.
16. Indianapolis Colts 8-8
A change of coaches have the Colts slip quite a bit this year. I think you saw it when Manning freaked out a bit when all the coaching stuff happened. It won't be the offenses fault though, the defense causes a .500 season.
17. Minnesota Vikings 8-8
Sorry Minnesota, Brett Favre will not lead you to the playoffs. You will have some exciting games, and Peterson will look phenomenal, but Favre will throw your season away. Plus you have a doubly motivated Packer team to deal with.
18. Buffalo Bills 9-7
Still so close yet so far away. Perhaps if Marshawn Lynch wasn't suspended the first four games you might squeeze into the playoffs. Hell, you're right at the door you still could. TO elevates Trent Edwards to the next level.
19. Chicago Bears 10-6
A highly competitive NFC forces the Bears to watch the playoffs from home. Cutler does ok, but nothing more special then Grossman or the Boilermaker. This makes the Bears realize, finally, they actually need weapons for a quarterback, so there is a bright side.
20. Philadelphia Eagles 10-6
Much like the Bears, you're just oh so close but just miss out this time. The team does well, you just miss a tie-breaker or two and get shut out of the playoffs. It was a successful season, and in any other it would have been fine, just not this year.
21. Cleveland Browns 9-7
Yes, laugh, but take a look at our schedule really quick. The majority of our home games are late in the season, up in cold and snowy Ohio. Mangini has turned this team into a power running football team, the kind of team that wins those games.Mix that with Rex Ryan bringing back the old 46 defense and a very pleasant schedule and you have a recipe for shocker.
22. Atlanta Falcons 10-6
Matt Ryan looks like a stud all season, sadly though he plays in the same division as Drew Brees. To top it off, they have to play in the Meadowlands for their first playoff game, not exactly helpful.
23. Houston Texans 11-5
Finally no longer that team referred to as this year's sleeper as they actually WIN the AFC South. Their defense is one of the more shocking things this year, but sadly go up against the playoff experienced carrion flyers.
24. Arizona Cardinals 11-5
They prevent the Super Bowl loser slump, but that's probably only because they play in the NFC West. They are actually upset at home in the wild card round, but have a decent season regardless.
25. Baltimore Ravens 10-6
Another solid year by the Fighting Blue Hen Joe Flacco. The team struggles at time, but they find ways to win games. They beat the Texans in the Wild Card, but can't overcome the defending champs.
26. Washington Redskins 10-6
Shocker of all shocker, the Redskins not only make the playoffs but BEAT the Cardinals in Arizona. Their defense is as stout as any in the NFC this year and General Zorn decides to trust in Portis rather then Campbell.
27. New York Giants 11-5
Another solid year from the G-Men, even without Buress. They go back to smashmouth football and allow Jacobs and rookie sensation Andre Brown to beat teams up. Sadly though they are just outgunned this year.
28. San Diego Chargers 12-4
No slow season start this year, the Chargers I think actually we ten games before they actually lose a game. A great year by Rivers and company, but one that just could not handle the upper echelon of playoff football. I mean you do know who your head coach is don't you?
29. New Orleans Saints 11-5
This could change depending on home field advantage in the playoffs. If they Saints can get home field advantage in the playoffs, they're taking it all. I think this is the year Brees is finally mentioned in the same breath as Manning and Brady.
30. Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4
It looks like they're going back to the Super Bowl, they have home field advantage, everything is going right, but once again the bane of their existence, Tom Brady, comes into town and takes his team to the Super Bowl.
31. New England Patriots 12-4
Yes, Tom Brady comes back and takes his team to the Super Bowl, but it's not nearly as good as the one loss team and therefore once again they lose a Super Bowl. However taking his team to the Super Bowl a year after major knee surgery finally gets people to shut up about whether Tom Brady is a good quarterback or not.
32. Green Bay Packers 12-4
The shocker of all shockers, the Packers are your 2010 Super Bowl Champions. Now this is contingent on one thing, this team HAS to stay healthy. If they stay healthy, this team could very well win it all. I know it's a new defense and all, but all the pieces are here. I think with Favre joining the Vikings, allegedly, it will give them even more motivation and you'll see it all season long.