Random Thoughts...by Jack Handly

Well, not by Jack, but before I sit down and do this week's Mock Draft I thought I'd put out a few of the thoughts bumping around in my head this morning...

Chavo Guerrero has become the ECW World's Heavyweight Champion. I wish I could be excited for Chavo and Pele, but the booking was so atrocious for this feud that I'm nauseated as I type this.

Does anyone else think that the Double Stuff League that Eli and Peyton are doing is just a metaphor for the type of bedroom activities that Eli likes to participate in? I'm talking Eli Manning is fucking Chinese Finger Cuffs.

Everyone was all clamoring about Tom Brady's boot yesterday you thought he was Elvis for a second. The dude wore a boot, it was just to give those local New Yorkers some hope before Boston goes up on the Big Apple...again.

I can't stand Red Sox Nation, and this Super Bowl sure as hell isn't going to help matters. They can all go fuck their dawg in der yard by der car.

A shocking study shows that drug treatment and not prison reduces crime then when imprisoned. This is about as shocking as the report that said Bush and his lackeys made 935 false statements leading up to the Iraq war. Next thing they're gonna tell me is I'm going bald and the Redskins are hopeless in their coaching decisions.

Of course Fred Thompson is gonna attempt to set himself up as Vice President. The man has never been a leading actor in any movie or tv show he's been a part of.

Finally, the New Jersey Devils bitch slapped the Philadelphia Flyers last night, 7-3. I had the good fortune of watching 2/3rds of the game with my Flyer friend, he was not happy to be sitting next to a Devils fan.

For those who don't know, after the Job celebration on Friday (since it starts at 5) we're gonna jump on the Metro and find Rambo playing somewhere...bring weapons or we're not gonna change nothing.

Now for something completely different

I too had the same thoughts after Tynes kicked the winning kick. My exact thought was, "Well, least now he won't get shived in the Giants shower after the game."

The JOE JUREVICIUS Theory

I should explain this to everyone since I began brining it up yesterday. Now this will sound conspiracy theorist and plain nutty, and it may be a fan having hopes that may not exist, but the history is there. Joe Jurevicius has been to three Super Bowls with three different teams. The key to all of this is the timing of his going to those Super Bowls.

Joe first went to the Super Bowl during the 2000-01 season with the New York Football Giants. They were unsuccessful to winning, but it happened in his third NFL season. Two years later he was a member of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers as they went on to defeat the Oakland Raiders in the Jon Gruden Bowl. Still one of the most impressive feats I've ever seen, coaching two teams to the Super Bowl. Three years after winning that Super Bowl he was a Seattle Seahawks for a season and went with that team to the Super Bowl and lost to the Steelers in a route.

3-2-3.

Do you see this pattern? Perhaps it is only a pattern a crazy person sees, like those who count down to the end of the Mayan Calendar or those who show the similarities between Lincoln and JFK, but there is a pattern. This season would be his second season since his last Super Bowl. It would complete the pattern of 3-2-3-2, now this may be going Lost on some of you, but what if the pattern sticks?

I know many folks are just saying we won yesterday because of the mistakes the Bengals made, but we actually played like a NFL football team yesterday. Our defense did get two interceptions and a strip fumble recovery. We're not the best, but they came through when needed. We seem to be getting no credit, but I wonder what would happen to the credit after we beat the Raiders this week? After that we have the Ravens at home, at New England and the Dolphins at home. We keep playing the way we are and we're 4-2 at our bye week. What would the talk then be? Would people start believing in the Joe Jurevicius theory?

This Browns fan would like to hope so.

I Feel Sick

Thank you Fox, only you could do this. Only you, who has done so well at times (with shows like 24, X-Files and The Simpsons) and so bad at others (Joe Buck, canceling Firefly) have managed to make us all a little ill today.

Ryan Seacrest will host the Super Bowl, ya, this isn't from the Onion, it isn't a joke. Now, well now someone must pay for doing this to us.

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