Friday, August 31, 2007

This Just In- Princess Diana is STILL DEAD!

Anyone else disgusted, mortified, repulsed by the apparently endless sea of glurge pouring out of every media orifice these days, all in tribute to a certain British socialite who just happened to be a Princess for a few years back in the 80s and 90s? Let us count the ways in which a car accident in 1997 has been morphed into the Dallas 11/22/63 of our generation:

1. MSNBC sees fit to replay the "highlights" of Diana's funeral from back in 1997. Or maybe it's live, and her mangled (yet Sacred) remains have yet to be buried? Why do we need to see this AGAIN? Is there a population of citizens out there who don't believe this really happened?

2. XM Radio will give us 24-hour coverage of "The Concert for Diana, the People's Princess." When did Diana become "the People's Princess?" I guess it was sometime before Giuliani became "America's Mayor" but some time after the Cowboys became "America's team."

And what will we hear from this concert? Well, "Goodbye England's Rose," of course, because Elton John's "Candle in the Wind" remake is the Official Anthem of the Princess Corpse. It's practically replaced God Save the Queen in some English pubs, I understand. BTW, it sold five million copies in it's first year of release, after which Sir Elton presented Diana's charities with a check for-- $400,000. You do the math. Someone made some serious money on this. And we'll also be treated to a painfully slow rendition of Duran Duran's "Save a Prayer," which is all about a guy begging a strange girl for sex, if you bother to read the lyrics. Classy.

3. The two Princes give the eulogy- "she was the best mother in the world." Uh huh. That's why you were being attended to by Nurses while she was barrelling through Paris with her boyfriend at roughly 100 mph. Yes, she qualifies for the title of Best Mom Ever. I understand that the boys aren't going to say anything bad about their mom, but please, spare us.

4. An endless parade of total losers mug the camera with tears in their eyes to tell us how "part of us died too" when Diana's face became intimate with the dashboard. Christ, please, buy a clue and get a fricking life, people!

The brutal, almost downright painful, deification of a rather mediocre human being we are being subjected to this week marks a new low point for the media. Thank God it will be over soon- at least, until the next anniversary of Pearl Harbor-- err, I mean Dallas---err, I mean the car accident in Paris. Wake me when it's over.

1 comment:

Dews said...

I don't think I will ever understand any of this...

The royal family has no real power anymore, despite being extremely wealthy landowners (which I guess does allot a certain amount of power, read: Roman Catholic Church), so why the hell does anyone care outside of Ye Olde Londoninium?

I obviously don't get it, thus I'm not part of this targetted media shit, but does anyone have any opinion on this at all other then "wtf"?

I'm genuinely curious if someone has some real positives towards this at all?