Friday, May 30, 2008

MLB Power Rankings- Week 9

*Bengie Molina, LSWTF player of the week*

Well, Memorial Day came and went, but not without a fight!! 3 contributors of LSWTF decided to take the show on the road and hit up a Nationals game as sort of a fare-the-well to the good Doctor Gonzo. Riddle me this folks- What happens when Dews and Gonzo double fist beers for oh, let’s say for 7 straight innings?? Answer- Complete drunken debauchery!! We heckled Mike Cameron until he gave us the “jack me off” hand gesture. Needless to say it was quite amusing (And effective since he hasn’t recorded a hit since LSWTF razed the Center Field bleachers). The chants of “Go SPEED Racer Go”, “Speed Kills”, and my favorite, “I feel the need, the need for SPEED” was our constant reminder to Mr. Cameron that we were not going to let up. For the entire 11 inning game!

1 (2) Chicago Cubs (33-21) – That’s right bleacher bums, the Cubbies take the lead!! Alfonso Soriano has dipped the "barrel" of his bat in the “Decanter of Fire” and is on a tear.

2 (4) LA Angels (32-23) – They seem to have finally hit their stride, winning their last 2 series vs. the Tigers and White Sox. The pitching is exciting to watch, the offense is heating up, and they are making the AL their own private playground.

3 (5) Tampa Bay Rays (32-22) – Raise your hand if you had the Rays in first place by the end of May (As SayHey Raises his hand). What’s not to love about this team? They swept the Orioles and won their series against the Rangers (Not without some damaged ERA’s though).

4 (9) Oakland A's (29-25) – This ranking is not only a ceremonial tribute to the good Doctor as he embarks on his quest to Houston, but a celebration for all baseball fans south of “New England”. The A’s did in fact sweep the Red Saux, silencing the Nation, AGAIN!! This spot may not last however, for they take on the offensive juggernaut named “The Texas Rangers”. Note- Eric Chavez is finally off the DL.

5 (3) Arizona Diamondbacks (30-24) – During our Nationals field trip on Monday, Dews asked me a question that I could not answer, “Have the Giants swept any team this season”. Well, ya douche, WE DID!! The DBACKS got swept by the Giants IN ARIZONA. How ya like them apples Dews. Dan Haren and Doug Davis proved ineffective in solving the riddle of small ball. Congrats go out to Randy Johnson, who tied Roger Clemens for 2nd all time in k’s.

6 (6) Florida Marlins (30-22) – It was tough for me not to move the Marlins this week. They took 3 of 4 against my Giants but managed to lose a key series vs. the Mets. The pitching is starting to hit a rhythm but its going to take more than a couple decent starts to win the East.

7 (1) Boston Red Sox (32-24) – Losing 5 of your last 6 games wont keep you in first place. Manny is more focused on himself than winning games and that might explain why the worst team in baseball (Seattle Mariners) took 2 of 3 games in your last series. ManRam- Get your head out of your ass and play!! Oh, and more bad news- Dice K is hurt and could miss his next start. We should hear some good trash talk between Dewey and Dews this weekend, as the Saux look for redemption vs. the Orioles.

8 (7) St Louis Cardinals (32-23) – This team still remains a mystery to me. They haven’t really hit any streaks, yet, still manage to be only 1 ½ games behind the Cubs. The pitching has been phe-nominal, as Adam Wainwright continues to silence his critics by throwing great games.

9 (8) Philadelphia Philly’s (31-24) – Philly fan is going to give me some hell with this spot, but the fact still remains. Your in 2nd place! The Phills utterly humiliated the Rockies over the weekend by putting up 33 runs in 3 games. They have a key series vs. the Marlins this weekend so sick back and enjoy. Oh wait your Philly fan. Let me rephrase- So Sit back, get wasted, and yell at the tele!

10 (11) Chicago White Sox (30-23) – Yes, I know the Sox are in first place but it is the AL Central, AKA, the farm league of the majors. The biggest shocker to me is the awesome pitching coming from Jose Contreras. Now if only the rest of the rotation could chip in and lend a hand.

11 (12) Houston Astros (30-25) – Gonzo is going to have a field day in Houston. The team is playing great baseball……and they play the Brewers……and Mike Cameron……Yes, The Speed Racer. Despite being in 3rd place, they are only 3 ½ games back, which of course, will soon make Gonzo smile.

12 (10) Atlanta Braves (29-25) – It was just a matter of time until the Braves cooled down. But wait, Rafael Soriano is activated and should help the bullpen solve their consistency issues. Chipper Jones batting average went up during the week, to a jaw dropping .420. Now it’s no secret that I hate the man, but I would love to see this kind of history be made in my lifetime. And I know my Clone will never let me hear the end of it if it indeed happens.

13 (20) Toronto Blue Jays (30-26) – Like the mighty mongoose, they came out of nowhere to rattle and cluster fuck the power rankings. A 4 game sweep over the Royals and winning 2 of 3 from the A’s definitely contributes to their rise. Rookie pitcher Jesse Litsch proved to me that he is a very under-rated rookie that is worth some ROY consideration.

14 (13) Baltimore Orioles (26-26) – Behold, the Nightmare!! The Orioles luster is starting to fade as the offense continues to NOT show up. What shocks me is that the Orioles past failures were mainly due to bad pitching. Well, the pitching is good now. Wha’s Happenin?? The “Greek God of Baseball”, Nick Markakis is only hitting .251 and isn’t even leading the team in jacks. I do agree with Dews on one thing, that being the need to call-up Scott Moore. What the hell are they waiting for??

15 (14) LA Dodgers (26-27) – The Dodgers can thank the Giants anytime now. The Dodgers got swept by the Cubs and still managed to not lose ground in the standings. They stand only 3 ½ games back but expect them to drop fast. Hell, they couldn’t even secure Derek Lowes brilliant game. That being said, Blake DeWitt is the only thing worth watching in LA, well, other than Clayton Kershaw.

16 (18) Minnesota Twins (28-25) – I know I am discounting the Twins with this rank, but I am just not convinced that they are going to be a winning team come August. Yes, they swept the Royals this week but who hasn’t?

17 (21) New York Mets (26-26) – Gary Carter should manage this team. There, I said it. Hell, he should bring in Rickey Henderson along with him. This team is so bad it doesn’t matter who coaches, as long as it’s not Willie Randolph. Beating the Marlins helps take the media off of management, but the fact remains; they cannot stay consistent or provide any run support. Hell, the Mets player of the week is Fernando Tatis. YES, that Fernando Tatis!!

18 (16) Texas Rangers (27-28) – The Universal Soldier, Josh Hamilton, continues to treat the majors as if it were the minors. This kid has a new lease on life and he is destined to take full advantage of it. It’s just a shame the pitching is so putrid. Hamilton, Kinsler, and Young are doing just about everything that is expected with little to no help from the arms.

19 (15) New York Yankees (26-27) – They are the best, last place team in baseball right now. The sad part about their fall from grace is that Hank and Cashman put this team together the right way. Utilized the farm system, hired a rookie friendly coach, and didn’t spend money. Their 2008 formula is similar to how Russia adopted Capitalism after the Cold War. Epic Failure!!

20 (17) Milwaukee Brewers (26-28) – The question is yes. It is hilarious to watch 5’11, 270 pound Prince Fielder run the bases! Ryan Braun is pretty much the only player whose potential has equated to great success, as the rest of the team continues to underachieve. And for the record, Mike Cameron did NOT get busted for steroids, as one loud mouth fan Monday had thought.

21 (19) Cleveland Indians (24-29) – If there was a panic button in Cleveland it would have been pressed by now. Vic Martinez has proven to me that he is a little girl by complaining about the tiniest of injuries and missing games. They have a gimmie series vs. the Royals this weekend, so maybe that will alleviate some of their “pain”.

22 (21) Pittsburgh Pirates (25-28) – Jason Bay hit another homerun last night!! He is turning into Mr. Thursday!! The Pirates bats have never looked better, however, it’s the pitching that is killing this team. Snell, Duke, and Gorzelanny have proven that they need to hit the minors. It’s a sad day when Phil Dumatrait is the best pitcher in the rotation.

23 (25) Cincinnati Reds- (25-29) – The key ingredient has been added to the Reds recipe, and his name is Jay Bruce. The team finally has added another 5-tool player to the mix (The other, Brandon Phillips). I like this kid a lot, but even he cannot help the Reds pitching staff. Edison Volquez is beyond sick, but the Reds need more from Harang and Cueto. Once they click, the Reds will give the Cubs a run.

24 (24) San Francisco Giants (23-31) – Sweep……Sweep…..Sweep. Yes, those are the bird chirps that have been ringing in my head all week. Its one thing to sweep a team, but to sweep the first place Dbacks IN Arizona just makes it that much sweeter. The Road Warrior, Aaron Rowand, continues to make me believe that brighter days are still to come, even if it’s not this year. But hell, if we can be a pain in another team’s ass, then so be it. Sweep……Sweep…….Sweep!!

25 (23) Washington Nationals (23-32) – I managed to catch the Sunday and Monday Nationals game over the weekend. The Nats are so much better than their record indicates. Jason Bergman is that good and struck out just about everyone Monday afternoon. The one thing I was praying for over the weekend was Elijah Dukes getting hit by a pitch. That would have made us all forget about Tito Ortiz caving in on Saturday nights UFC fight night. Oh, and fun fact, Gonzo had his shot to murder his arch enemy, the Ryan Seacrest poser at Nationals Stadium, as he was just a fist length away from him….and failed!!

26 (26) Detroit Tigers (22-31) – They may be hitting the ball the way they are supposed to, but they are not moving up in the standings. Yes, they slaughtered the Twins 19-3 on Friday, but they also lost 1-0 vs. the Angels on Monday. It seems that Dontrelle Willis is now the highest paid reliever in baseball, as he was de-moted.

27 (29) San Diego Padres (21-34) – I am not a fan of kicking a man while he is down, but this is way to good to pass up! Padres are awful and we all know it. Its just a matter of time until Maddox gets traded to the Braves, Hoffman gets traded to the Brewers, and Bud Black gets fired! That’s my prediction at least. Oh, and Chase Headley needs to get called up. What are they waiting for??

28 (28) Colorado Rockies (20-34) – It was a rough week for the Rockies. Hawpe, Holliday, and Barnes hit the DL on the same day. On top of that, my rookie favorite, Ian Stewart, is not adjusting well the major league life. This is no way a World Series contender should go.

29 (30) Seattle Mariners (20-34) – Humiliating the Red Sox definitely moves the Mariners up 1 slot, even if it’s for one week. At least Erik Bedard isn’t a complete failure as he is still the best man in the rotation. I mean Jose Lopez is the M’s best player!!!

30 (27) Kansas City Royals (21-33) – Losing 11 in a row is a pretty rock solid reason to occupy the last spot.


MoDews said...

Markakis is leading the O's in homeruns with 9.. only by one though

SayHey Kid said...

Oh, I thought it was Aubrey Huff. Eh, regardless, the Orioles cannot even hit a softball right now.

Jimmie Perkins said...

I called it last night. Hoffman will go to Brewers in trade for Tony Gwynn Jr. One can only hope...

SayHey Kid said...

Actually, you called that on Monday, I just didnt give you any credit for it.

I think its a very doable trade!

Jack Gonzo, MD said...

Mike Cameron is coming to town and who has outfield season tickets...this jackass right here...

SayHey Kid said...


Reminds me of Major League 2:

"NO! You rotten bums! You overpaid weenies! Mild thing, you make my butt sting! I *detest* you! You're all garbage! All of ya! Back up the truck! Back it up!"

Dews said...

Just for the record, I never claimed the O's were a playoff team, I just claimed their superiority over a certain west coast team, thats all :)

I'm just happy we're playing competitive baseball, while developing some seemingly decent pitchers along the way.

It seems like the O's this year definitely do NOT give up if they're losing after the 6th inning (as evidenced by their amazing comeback against the Yanks to win the series).

Scott Moore needs to come up and play Short (though Jack's boy Cintron is currently a good sub too), Nolan Reimold needs to eventually be playing left, or first, or DHing (as long as Hitting machine Luke Scott stays in the lineup too), and Matt freakin Wieters needs to be brought up after we trade Ramon Hernandez! :)

SayHey Kid said...

Well, we never argued the O's being a playoff team. Even tho they are not.

I find it funny that the O's play the Yanks with so much hostility. I see 10 years of bottled up repression unloaded all on the Yanks at once. Its pretty great actually

Dews said...

Not to nitpick (or steal this from MoDews), but you think San Diego is gonna trade Tommy Maddox to the Braves? :)

I mean, he was a good backup QB, and had a great career in the XFL (for a year), but I dunno if he's any good at pitching :)

SayHey Kid said...

Im assuming your being a jackass. Its a shame spellcheck doesnt pick up the "U" misspell. But thanks

MoDews said...

Also wanted to say the reason why Scott Moore hasn't been called up is because he is only batting .195 in AAA right now.. Maybe when he starts producing more in Triple-A he will get called up. Also the way Reimold has been playing I think its only a matter of time before he gets a chance.. Only problem is the O's already have a surplus of outfielders.. and Luke Scott has become somewhat of a fan favorite.

SayHey Kid said...

Well, the O's are a .500 ballclub now. Its time to take a risk and get to the next level dont ya think?

MoDews said...

Yes I do think so.. I also think either Radhames Liz who has looked pretty good in Triple-A or Chris Tillman, our 20 year old gem in Double-A who is also 6-0 with a 2.50 ERA.. should be taking Trachsel's position any day now..

SayHey Kid said...

I dont think its the pitching that is suffering. You need a guy who will get on base. Markakis is struggling but is still putting the ball in play. Imagine if he had people on base when he hits a homer.

Dews said...

Where the HELL is Troy Patton???

MoDews, you found him yet?

Its like he was abducted by UFO's or something...

SayHey Kid said...

I think he is hiding out with Hayden Penn