Thanks to Gonzo

Ok, now we've all had our share of women trouble...

The entire LSWTF staff can attest to my past, present and future women troubles at great length (including all the wonderful drama that goes along with all that), but through all the wonderful ups and downs of living the single life, nothing, and I stress NOTHING could possibly drive me to be as desperate as this poor soul...

Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.

The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole.

(Side note here) Seriously, wtf???

When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time.

When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the penis was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Xian attached, to the hospital.

4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Xian from his bench.

Doctors stated that if he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his penis.

Seriously man...

We all have needs, this much is pretty well understood (trust me I of all people know this one). But what in the WORLD would make you think that having sex with a metal bench would A) turn out to be pleasurable, B) be any "safer" then hiring a hooker, C) DUDE, ITS A FREAKIN BENCH!!!

Link to video Here

In other related news of the weird...

Spanish Shopkeeper has discovered a Homer Simpson Euro.

And I came across this comic from a good friend of the LSWTF crew and had to post it:

That is all...

Dews Hump-day roll-out

First off, we have had a brief, but definite Jack Gonzo sighting earlier today, so we know at least that he has not perished in the brutal Texan sun. Gonzo had apparently fell victim to an acute case of "Civilization 4 addiction", which he will pull through successfully with our thoughts and prayers (after this evening, when myself, MoDews, Corey and him may be getting a match in that is).

Anyway, with that message out there to Gonzo's fans, let us now look at the news events of the day!

In a happy bit of news, Iran has proven to the world that is now has the capability to hit Israel with at least a solid ton of payload via their Russian and Chinese enhanced "ShaHab-3" Missle.

The report showed footage of at least three missiles firing simultaneously, and said the barrage included a new version of the Shahab-3 missile, which officials have said has a range of 1,250 miles and is armed with a 1-ton conventional warhead.
That would put Israel, Turkey, the Arabian peninsula, Afghanistan and Pakistan within striking distance.

I'm sure this is bound to ease tensions in the area, especially given the extremely sensitive manner in which Ahmadinejad expresses his disdain for certain neighbors...

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This sounds like a helluva day this guy had planned:

Step 1: Steal Beer from 7-Eleven.
Step 2: Hi-Jack local Bus.
Step 3: Spend night in Psych ward.
Step 4: Profit?

Oh yea, do all of the above while bare ass nekkid!

A naked man was arrested Tuesday morning after hijacking a Citizens Area Transit bus.

Las Vegas police said the man, 35-year-old Charles P. Sell, was first seen stealing a beer at the 7-Eleven on the corner of Lamb Boulevard and Washington Avenue about 8 a.m.

An officer arrived at the scene and the man fled, a police spokesman said.

Sell then climbed onto the back of a moving CAT bus traveling east on Washington, broke one of the back windows with his fists, and climbed in.

He threw the driver off the bus and drove it about 200 yards before jumping off, according to police. An officer climbed aboard and stopped it.

I really got no more to add to this story, as I feel it speaks for itself...

That is all for now, hopefully a bit more to come later on.