"Where the hell have we been?" Wednesday

My apologies to our readers (if there are any of you left) for the, oh, roughly 40-day break here at LSWTF.com. I don't know about the other contributors, but I've been busy as shit this last month (tried three cases, fun times). Really, I've got no excuse for myself. Hopefully we'll be back in full effect soon.

Without further delay:

In Vermont news: the Vermont Legislature overrode Gov. Jim Douglas' veto of same-sex marriage legislation that passed both the House and Senate last week. Douglas says this is no time for celebration; it's time to move on. Other opponents: repent, for this is a sign that the end is nigh. Everyone else: planning for the fall wedding season. My prediction: the fall foliage will have never looked so good for thousands of Vermont couples.

In international news, the crew of a U.S.-flagged ship retook their ship from Somali pirates today. Why is this not surprising to me? The captain, Richard Phillips, is from Underhill, Vermont, proving once and for all that Vermont's slogan should be "We're small, but we're fierce!"

In baseball news (and because I'm a Red Sox fan), Josh Beckett seems to have returned to form, striking out 10 Rays yesterday in Boston's 5-3 win over defending A.L. champ Tampa Bay. I know, it's the first start of the year, but I was seriously happy to see Beckett hitting 96-97 on the gun after he looked like he was tossing BP in the ALCS last year. Lester goes tonight for the Sox against Scott Kazmir.

Yeah, I bought one. Better safe than sorry.

Lastly, in news I didn't see coming, gun sales are booming in part because of the sour economy. While spending a few hundred dollars on something you may never use sounds counterinuitive, never underestimate the powerful paranoia your fellow Americans feel. Your neighbor Bill just lost his job at the factory. You could A) help him with his electric bill, if he'll let you or B) buy a gun in case Bill goes nuts and decides to steal grandma's silver. Seems most folks are choosing B. Only in America.

Round The Bend 10.15.08

Today on Round The Bend…

• The cast continues their love affairs with Sonic
  
• We talk about the drumming the Red Sox received last night and the game tonight
  
• We discuss the Roy Williams trade and the Shaun Alexander signing
  
• Predictions for tonight's final Presidential Debate
  

JackGonzo: Good Morning, and welcome to the last time we'll see McCain with a smile on his face

Dews: You don't know that

Viagra may be on its way

10:29 AM JackGonzo: and very possibly Dewey as well, until next season at least

not just viagra, viva viagra

Dews: hate that commercial...

Its on CNN all freakin day...

JackGonzo: I always prefer the football through the tire swing metaphor too

10:30 AM Dews: Dewey may not be on long, he's having crazy-busy day

ahh yes

the ole "Can't play pool with a rope" joke

JackGonzo: nothing tells your wife that you love her quite like saying she's as wide as a tire swing

Dews: exactly

right from the heart

JackGonzo: now we need to give electro-shock to the rest of the audience to wake them up

10:31 AM SayHey: Yo

Dews: if jokes about non-working wangs won't work, I dunno what will

JackGonzo: cause of course SayHey is looking off into the distance of his cubicle dreaming of the wonder years where his teams competed

Dews: there we are

SayHey: Busy watching clips of Larry King

Ben Stein pretty much conceded for McCant

Dews: speaking of Viagra...

SayHey: Bam

JackGonzo: peperika?

10:32 AM Dews: paprika?

JackGonzo: or that one, never said I was a speller

Dews: <-- likes to cook :)

JackGonzo: Topic number one, did anyone see the monster shot over the monster by Aybar? The thing went up AND out

SayHey: Yeh, you mastered the chili cheese tots

Dews: yea, was a no-doubter

10:33 AM impressive

JackGonzo: great, now I'm gonna have to go to sonic today for the extra long cooney and tots

SayHey: Yeh, that was a nice shot

I turned the game off at the 6th

Dews: I had to watch it all

JackGonzo: same here, then watch Hellraiser on Chiller till 3am...which may or may not have gotten me in trouble

PhillyFan: Wait! Is sonic on the way to kings dominion?

10:34 AM SayHey: Yes

PhillyFan: If so I am going on Saturday!

aaaah

Dews: PhillyFan = one track mind

JackGonzo: I don't know, we don't have Kings in Texas

PhillyFan: Yesssss!

SayHey: Yeh, But its the right track

JackGonzo: sad sad people

Dews: There is a Sonic on the way to anything in Texas

PhillyFan: Although if there is no fried mac and cheese what is the point?

JackGonzo: I don't go to Sonic unless a group is going there and it's the only option

PhillyFan: Ok well I should move to Texas for sonic then

10:35 AM Dews: Fried mac and Cheese isn't on the menu anymore

SayHey: I would go for the hell of it

JackGonzo: There is that option

SayHey: I havent had sonic since my Denton trip

PhillyFan: Try camping in May

haha

Dews: Denton was sooner then that

JackGonzo: PhillyFan can move to texas and start the marticulation of all you stuck in dc fucks

10:36 AM SayHey: Denton was in July

JackGonzo: try...two sundays ago

SayHey: Dews can top that

Dews: I was there this weekend

talked the manager into giving me extra Tot containers so I could make some for SayHey's bday party

SayHey: Id like to thank you again, Dews, for the greatest tease of a gift

PhillyFan: Might be happening :)

SayHey: A Sonic gift card

10:37 AM JackGonzo: So I was wrong, topic number one, all of your unhealthy obsession about a burger joint whose best item is their commercials

Dews: haha, anytime SayHey

SayHey: So i can look at it, stare at it, but never use it =(

PhillyFan: I think if sonic was nearby I wouldn't go there

SayHey: Jack- I sense some sarcasm

PhillyFan: It is just that there is none anywhere closeby :)

Dews: There is one nearby!

well

kind of

10:38 AM SayHey: But anyway, im ready to celebrate a Philly win tonight

JackGonzo: Now to topic number two, last night and tonight...

Dews: I'm resigned to a Philly win, but I won't be "celebrating" it

SayHey: You just dont get it, do ya

JackGonzo: Wosrt playoff loss for the Red Sox ever? Does Philly seal the deal like Dews in the Swerve?

SayHey: Dodgers are evil

10:39 AM Dews: ha, I like the comparison

SayHey: Nah, worst Red Sox playoff loss is Buckner ball

Dews: I can't hate the Dodgers

Dewey: Aaron Effing Boone

SayHey: Oh, good one

Dews: ahh yea

10:40 AM JackGonzo: I didn't say toughest loss, that is obviously Buckner

Dewey: Bucky Dent

Dews: guess there are a few tough ones

JackGonzo: the just completely manhandled loss

Dews: lopsided losses aren't as tough to swallow as close game losses though

or last second comebacks

10:41 AM the numbing sense of disbelief is far worse

I think

JackGonzo: When Willie Aybar launches a ball like it took off from Cape Canaveral, there is a few issues

Dewey: what was the name of that guy in 1946?

JackGonzo: Truman?

Dews: ha, yea

10:42 AM not to interupt Baseball talk, but Palin is in New Hampshire, and I just find it telling that they HAVE to campaign in New hampshire...

10:43 AM SayHey: This is painful to watch

JackGonzo: So I'm assuming we all believe that that Hamels seals the deal like its prom night tonight correct?

SayHey: She just used "Maverick" and "Hero" in the same sentance

Mind = exploded

Dews: Oh, Jack, I was wrong about Indiana by the way, its looking like its in play afterall

JackGonzo: oh?

Dews: Polls are looking promising

SayHey: Hames will end the game tonight

er, Hamels

Dews: I credit our Indiana friends

10:44 AM JackGonzo: so congrats to PhillyFan, her team is in the world series and Mitch Williams is nowhere to be found

Dews: haha, I did see him on a show not too long ago

SayHey: We still have ole Kruk to look forward to

Dews: and yes, I believe Hamels seals the deal

JackGonzo: I miss players like Dykstra

Dews: roid users?

we still have those

10:45 AM SayHey: Well, when your so doped on roids, you dont feel pain

Dews: I miss players like Surhoff...

SayHey: I miss the Daulton time travelors

JackGonzo: then again, last night after the game they kept bringing up that limp son of a bitch and you could see the hate from Ecks and my eyes

SayHey: Yeh, I felt that hate also

PhillyFan: Philliiiiies!

10:46 AM SayHey: Dynamite dropin Monte

Dews: yes, good job PhillyFan

PhillyFan: If Cole Hamels doesnt pull through Myers can get a couple hits... :)

shut up Dews

SayHey: I will give the Rays the series in 6

PhillyFan: haha

Dews: I vote Myers as their DH for the WS

SayHey: Yeh really

Dews: or have him play First base

PhillyFan: As I was tellin Dews... I want Boston to break the rays' confidence some

Dews: they don't have anyone hittin there right now

SayHey: He has more HR's that Ryan Howard

10:47 AM If Boston still had some key guys, i could see a heartbreak

JackGonzo: I don't think the question is if the Rays will win the series...the real question is can they put up three touchdowns on the Saux?

SayHey: Madden doesnt fuck around tho, he is starting Kazmir tonight

To prevent another Boston miracle

Dews: Kazmir wasn't great last time though

but, may as well go for it

SayHey: I would expect him to rebound after a bad start

10:48 AM Dews: wait, I thought it was Shields?

against Dice-K?

rematch from Friday

10:49 AM SayHey: Not sure

JackGonzo: they may be laying it all on the line tomorrow night

personally I can't wait to watch Shields throw at Victorino

10:50 AM SayHey: Double knockout

Dews: ah yea

Dewey: What are the topics today, btw?

10:51 AM JackGonzo: well, it began with their obsession with sonic

now it's onto the LCS

then we'll get into the latest political hackery

Dewey: Sonic is strictly okay, that is all

JackGonzo: and eventually something else

Dewey: nothing special

JackGonzo: word

SayHey: Gonzo has turned his back on us

10:52 AM Dews- so sad

Dews: ...

et tu... gonzo...

SayHey: Any mention of Jerry Jones last ditch effort to win?

Im sorry, Roy Williams is not worth a 1,3,and 6

JackGonzo: Roy Williams? I know he's just happy to be out of Detroit

Dews: he traded for potential, but wayyy too much

10:53 AM SayHey: Way to much indeed

Dews: Roy Williams STILL hasn't proven himself totally in this league

SayHey: But Jones does that..........Joey Galloway rings a bell

JackGonzo: Yes, but what were they going to use those draft picks for? Where are their weaknesses?

Roy Williams has

SayHey: Most Longhorns fade away once they get to the NFL

JackGonzo: he made the pro bowl...as a WR...in Detorit

SayHey: Or pull a Cedric Benson

Jeff has left

JackGonzo: being a first round detroit wr pick and still being in the league has proven himself

Jeff has joined

10:54 AM JackGonzo: Excuse me?

Dews: Texas shall be defended now :)

JackGonzo: Phil Dawson, Ricky Williams, Shaun Rogers, Roy Williams, numerous linemen, some secondary players, and of course Vince Young

10:55 AM SayHey: Great college guys

Crappy NFL guys

JackGonzo: I could name Chris Simms, but he should just die

Dews: came close already

JackGonzo: Phil Dawson is one of the greatest kickers of all time

SayHey: He is accurate, but has no leg

Dews: if you're into that kinda thing

SayHey: This is true

JackGonzo: definitely a better kicker the foreign player exemption

10:56 AM no leg? Dude nailed a 56 yarder in the pre-season

SayHey: Jason Elam is having a better year

and he is like 50

pre-season? Practice??

Dews: yea, Elam has ice-water in his veins

like Vinatieri

JackGonzo: You don't rank kickers on distance it's accuracy

SayHey: I think its alittle bit of both

10:57 AM Dews: wait though, we were talking about Roy Williams...

SayHey: Vinitiei is solid, but had 1 FG of 30 yards or better last year

Yeh

JackGonzo: we were talking about Longhorns

When the Seminole wanted to bring up colleges...

SayHey: Longhorns are an amazing college team, but are complete underachievers once they make the pro's

JackGonzo: Hey Peter Warrick, don't throw stones

10:58 AM Dews: oh hell, I could care less about Longhorns, Seminoles, or Beavers, I'm just talkin Roy Williams worth in draft picks

JackGonzo: For them, yes it's worth it

SayHey: Right on Cedric

Dews: I dunno to be honest

JackGonzo: There was no legit threat opposite TO

(this is now the third topic)

Dews: but to give up that much, then immediately give him a 5 year deal

10:59 AM JackGonzo: It keeps the fans happy

Dews: if I'm Roy Williams, I'm on easy street

happens to some players

JackGonzo: They will always support a Longhorn

SayHey: Jerry Jones wants to make love with Texas

JackGonzo: especially a pro bowler

Hasn't he?

SayHey: Williams will be ok, but is he worth so much?

Dews: plus, who's gonna throw to him? Pinky McPinkerton, or 60 year old Brad Johnson?

SayHey: Randy Moss was worht a 3rd round pick

Brad Johnson, FSU with a Super Bowl ring

JackGonzo: Isn't the scene from Johnny Be Good where Anthony Michael Hall has sex on the star inspired by Jerry Jones?

11:00 AM Moss was a fourth rounder

Dews: you just lost a CB, so you go trade for a Wideout?

SayHey: Dallas defense is as soft as McCant

JackGonzo: Yes, time to go the St Louis route and try to outscore everyone

Dews: missed that one

Moss was a special case though

comparatively

you can't do that with a limp-armed QB like Johnson

11:01 AM SayHey: Johnson has a super bowl, punk

What Redskin has one?

Dews: so does Dilfer, doesn't mean he can throw past the 20

JackGonzo: plus now it screws up any other trade...might have done it just to screw the Tony Gonzales trade

Dilfer CAN throw it long, just not accurately

Dews: this is possible

there was the rumor of Tony to Philly afterall

11:02 AM SayHey: That would have made sense

JackGonzo: remember everyone looks to see what other people are doing in the league, and if Roy Williams garners all those picks, then a hall of famer?

SayHey: Shawn Alexander in Washingon....... Thoughts Dews?

Dews: hey, as long as he keeps the ball off the carpet (like Betts enjoys doing), I'm totally cool with that

PhillyFan: And the new punter...seattle, washington welcome to washington

Dews: I don't have high expectations, but he knows the offense

SayHey: Williams would need a ring to match those picks

PhillyFan: He is apparently healthy too

11:03 AM Dews: he could be a great part-time back for us

SayHey: Alexander will steal those 1 yard TD's from Portis

Dews: I doubt it

SayHey: End up with 30 yards, 10 TDs

Dews: if anyone is gonna get those short liners, it'll be our felon

SayHey: It means either Sellars, Rock, Or Betts is out

11:04 AM Dews: Rock isn't gettin many carries either

its obvious they don't trust him

thats why they went out and got Alexander

JackGonzo: Alexander isn't a power back

SayHey: Or Washington IR's Betts

He is the prime KR and PR

err KR

El doesthe PR

JackGonzo: hell Alexander isn't much of anything anymore

Dews: no, Sellars is pretty much it

SayHey: Yeh, id have to go with Jack on this one

11:05 AM Dews: well, we really dunno what he is right now, but Betts wasn't really a powerback either

he was just someone to give Portis some downs off

SayHey: Nah, he was east/west

Dews: and liked to fumble

SayHey: Used his speed

JackGonzo: Alexander likes to fumble too

SayHey: That he does

Dews: Portis is proving to be pretty durabe this year, so this is really just the guy thats gonna get another 8-10 carries a game

just to give Portis some downs off

JackGonzo: Lets see what happens when Shaun Rogers does the 747 splash to him this weekend

11:06 AM SayHey: Portis is proving to be a mini Barry Sanders

Dews: uh

SayHey: Lots of success with a shitty O line

Dews: you can't be a "mini" sanders

the dude was like 4 feet tall

JackGonzo: That O Line isn't that shitty

Dews: that is actually a great O Line

even with Jansen in there

SayHey: Janson is crap, and another Oline got hurt

Dews: have you been watching any of the games?

SayHey: Uhm

11:07 AM No Dews, I watch different games at the house

Dews: you sure?

SayHey: And that dude who dropped the ball? what was his name?

Was another backup

Calm down Dews

Dews: Offensive line's job isn't to run a ball

Kendall

SayHey: Ok, remind me never to compliment a Redskin

11:08 AM You fucking fans get so aggitated

Dews: haha, ok...

SayHey: Bah

Dews: kinda went 0 to 60 there man :)

SayHey: I dont see how, but whatever you say

JackGonzo: you both suck, live with it

Dews: eh, fair nuff

11:09 AM SayHey: Niners have more wins than Cleveland =)

But I wont go there, yes, Niners suck

Dews: we suck until we win again, as far as I'm concerned

PhillyFan: Do you play giants this week?

SayHey: All or nothing, eh Dews?

Yeh, in NY

Dews: eh, just that was a tough loss

SayHey: Will be a tough game

JackGonzo: You forgot to say, so far

PhillyFan: Ok...beat them please :)

SayHey: Luckily Cleveland beat the shit out of thier CBs

11:10 AM So all we need to do is throw long

PhillyFan: Their spirits are already crushed

Dews: haha

PhillyFan: do iiit

JackGonzo: to who?

SayHey: Ross is out, isnt he?

JackGonzo: last time I checked you didn't have a wolverine

SayHey: Niners?

David Bass

JackGonzo: lmao

We didn't need our Warrior to put 21 on them

SayHey: Oh, ahhhh gotcha

11:11 AM JackGonzo: Bass is from Hawaii right?

SayHey: No, Michigan

Dews: which matchup are we talking about, Eagles Giants, Niners Giants?

JackGonzo: Who the fuck am I thinkin of then...

SayHey: Niners vs Giants

Dews: ahh

JackGonzo: who knows, let's get on to tonight's predictions so you all can go to lunch and I can go to Sonic

SayHey: And the ass whippin the Browns gave the Giants, to break thier spirits

11:12 AM Dews: that part I got

that was fun to watch

PhillyFan: Yup :)

SayHey: It was.........I had to cock block Dews and have him watch Edwards catch a ball

Dews: haha

it wasn't bad

SayHey: May have ruined whatever 3-some chances you could have had

But it was worth it

PhillyFan: haha

Dews: I was just as shocked as you were when he caught that ball

11:13 AM PhillyFan: who was the third here?

Dews: 3-some???

uh

no

PhillyFan: Lol

SayHey: The "friend"

Dews: no no

PhillyFan: ooooh

SayHey: LOL

JackGonzo: two hands don't make a....

PhillyFan: the one joining summer league huh dews?

Dews: not really sure where that came from

this is how ugly rumors start

gettin me in trouble :)

SayHey: Ugly rumor? Nothing ugly about it

11:14 AM LOL.........Of course I am joking

JackGonzo: it is rarely the rumors that get you in trouble, it's the I don't remember portion of the evenings

SayHey: Exactly

Dews: haha

11:15 AM JackGonzo: but seriously, since I'll probably be all alone due to KB for tonight's debate, predictions?

SayHey: I hope to get home early for that

Dews: I'm going to be making an early night of it Jack, so I may be home as well

JackGonzo: Over Under on McCain snapping, low crawling over to obama to cut his achilles tendon?

SayHey: Obama KO in the 2nd round

Dews: I kinda want to see McCain take a swing

11:16 AM hell, why not at this point?

SayHey: He doesnt take swings, he bites ears off

Dews: if he makes Obama cry, he could still win this thing

SayHey: McCant is bringing up Ayers

Dews: America don't like pussy's afterll

JackGonzo: he wants to eat your children

Dews: well, he has to slug Obama

SayHey: So hopefully Obama can counter punch with Gordon-Liddy

Dews: I'm not talking figuratively

SayHey: Does that make me Canadian?

Dews: I'm talking straight out, walk up to him and sock him

11:17 AM SayHey: Oh, nm

Dews: and if he makes him cry, he wins

JackGonzo: nah, straight up pimp slap

SayHey: I dont know if McCant has the foot movement

Dews: its his only hope I think

SayHey: McCant would need a gun

JackGonzo: yeah have Obama moving all around him like Ali

SayHey: 2 cheap shots in the knee caps

Dews: I dunno, this could expose Obama

11:18 AM JackGonzo: Obama kum bi ya

Dews: who knows if Obama can take a punch?

it hasn't been brought up

SayHey: We know McCant can take punishment......could go all 12 rounds

Dews: I think if McCain walked right up and slapped him silly, and Obama cried, McCain would win

and that may be his only hope

there I said it

SayHey: Agreed

Dews: America would eat that shit up

11:19 AM it would be all over the media

SayHey: Is Palin going to be the ring-girl?

Dews: the "talking heads" would say how awful it is, but they'd still be chuckling

JackGonzo: true, but it wouldn't be the same without howard cossell

Dews: good call

SayHey: Well, nothing has been same without cossell

11:20 AM JackGonzo: but that's all the time we have for today, join us tonight for the presidential debates when we find out who wins between the leg drop and the rock bottom

Trade Deadline Looms

With the trade deadline tomorrow I came up with some major last minute trades that I would make if I were certain ballclubs. Yes, this list is going to shock you. It will probably make you shake your head and call me ignorant, retarded or just down right stupid. I went through all the teams that need something, want to give something away and everything in between and the following is what I have come up with.


Boston Red Sox trades Manny Ramirez, OF to the New York Mets for Fernando Martinez, OF; Jon Niese, P; Eddie Kunz, P; and Nick Evens, 1B.

Boston's Reasons-The excuse of Manny being Manny can only last so long. They may finally be ready to deal Manny and let him be someone else's headache, but only as long as it is in the NL. Sign him to the option, then ship his happy ass to NYC. They get quality prospects in return, and where they have a lot of great young talent there others are starting to show their age.
New York's Reasons-They trade the top half of their farm to Minnesota in the offseason for Johan, but their bats aren't as lively as they have been. They give up their remaining best prospects for the man who probably has the most natural talent in baseball and reap the rewards this year rather then later.

Houston Astros trade Roy Oswalt, P to the Philadelphia Phillies for Jason Donald, SS; Greg Golson, CF and Fabio Castro, P

Houston's Reason-Their team is starting to look like the Giants of last year and they need to replenish their prospects, especially after the Tejada trade. Oswalt has had a good career in Houston, but it's time to rebuild and not look at the past. They get three players who could be at the major league level next year, if not this year.
Phillies' Reason-Though their pitching has been decent, it does lack the playoff pitching experience. The Mets trade for Manny they need a veteran like Oswalt to be their rock next to Hamels. Donald and Golson weren't moving to the big league level for a long time considering what's in front of them so it doesn't hurt their depth all that much.


San Francisco Giants trade Barry Zito, P to the New York Yankees for Chris Malec, 3B; Austin Jackson, CF; and Chase Wright, P

Frisco's Reason-Barry is a huge dead weight for them right now, with a huge contract that may prevent them from doing a whole lot in the offseason. This team needs to continue their youth movement and these are three quality prospects. The only question is, could they actually get this much for Zito with how poorly he's pitched?
New York's Reason-The Yankees have a glaring need for starting pitching. It almost feels like 3 out of 5 starts are guys I've never heard of and keep getting rotated and given a shot. Zito has pitched well before and Giraldi may be able to fix whatever has caused him to forget how to play like a major leaguer and not Kevin Brown. It could work out beautifully or it could completely backfire, but it's the kind of big name splash the boss loves.

Cincinnati Reds trade Bronson Arroyo, P to the Texas Rangers for Tommy Hunter, P and Elvis Andrus, SS.

Cincinnati's Reason-They're one of many teams who are rebuilding, or in their case building over from scratch, and has shown some promise. Arroyo does not make or break that ball club so trading him to a team trying to make the playoffs could gain them some beautiful bounty.
Texas' Reason-I am a firm believer that with the offense they currently have the Rangers can make the playoffs, if they get quality pitching. Hell, with that offense they could win it all if they only had some pitching. Arroyo would be the first step towards that goal, but not the last one.

San Diego Padres trade Greg Maddux, P and Trevor Hoffman, P to the Texas Rangers for Chris Gradoville, C; Jordan Stewart, P; John Mayberry, OF; Paul Kometani, P; and Warner Madrigal, P.

San Diego's Reason-The fans would hate it, at first. Losing Hoffman who has been the face of the franchise since Gwynn retired is loved in San Diego. They need some prospects who actually work out though and they could get steals from Texas for Maddux and Hoffman. I think Maddux would even ok it, to get the shot at another ring.
Texas' Reason-Adding to quality veterans to your roster like Maddux and Hoffman when you're trying to win a title with a young team I believe raises your chances to the next level. Maddux has pitched in countless playoff games, having him being there and being a leader by example would be a great tool for the Rangers. It takes quality prospects, but like the man says to make money you gotta spend money.

Colorado Rockies trade Brian Fuentes, P to the Chicago White Sox for Miguel Negron, OF; John Lujan, P and Matthew Long, P

Colorado's Reason-They're out of the hunt and Fuentes isn't getting any younger. Giving him to a playoff team and reaping the rewards of prospects when you're in clear need of a few is a chance you shouldn't hesitate at. We all know you went to the World Series last year, but that seems more or a fluke right now then anything. Bottom line is, you're not going anywhere right now.
Chicago's Reason-Yes, they have Bobby Jenks, but who do they have in front of him? Chicago is playing out of their minds right now and should do what they can to give them some bullpen insurance before one of the other playoff teams do.

Oakland A's trade Justin Duchscherer, P to the St Louis Cardinals for John Jay, CF; Jess Todd, P; Bryan Anderson, C; Francisco Samuel, P

Oakland's Reason-Billy Beane and his Moneyball should never be question. Jay and Anderson are his type of hitters with some high OBP. Todd and Samuel show real promise in the minors, especially Samuel who could be their future closer (see below). The important thing is all four have a real chance of getting to the big league club THIS year.
St Louis' Reason-Their pitching right now is horrendous. No one knew how they were playing so well before the All Star game, but now the cracks are beginning to show. I think with a quality starting pitching like Duke they could regain their momentum and fight for a playoff spot, cause that's exactly what it's going to be in the NL, Thunderdome.

Oakland A's trade Huston Street, P to the Los Angeles Dodgers for Andy LaRoche, 3B and Scott Elbert, P.

Oakland's Reason-Street is still young, but they have a plethora of young pitching and Street has shown some durability issues. LaRoche is the big steal here, as he is probably expendable by LA cause of DeWitt and Blake now. He is though not enough for a one on one trade. Elbert has shown some promise like LaRoche could be traded and be on the big league club right away.

LA's Reason-Who would have guessed it in April that the Dodgers and not the DBacks would be sitting in first? The bottom line is Torre needs some pitching, especially one reliever and one starter. Street gives him a proven reliever. Torre has proven in the past he doesn't need thousands of prospects to succeed in the league.

Houston Astros trade Carlos Lee,OF to the Arizona Diamondbacks for Bryan Byrne, 1B; Rusty Ryal, 2B; and Alex Romero, OF.

Houston's Reason-To put it simply Carlos Lee is horrendous in the field. Yes, he'll hit every now and then but he has a short left field and couldn't stop a five hundred pound man from reaching the wall. They are in need of quality prospects, which is what Byrne, Ryal and Romero are.
Arizona's Reason-Their team is fairly solid, but missing some pop. They have the pitching in place, and the outfield is fairly solid, except in one spot. Lee would also give them a home run potential I'm not sure is really there right now. Bottom line is, if they want to join in on the Thunderdome they need to make some kind of move.

Toronto Blue Jays trade AJ Burnett, P to the Los Angeles Dodgers for Francisco Lizarraga, SS; James McDonald, P and Lucas May, C.

Toronto's Reason-They're out of the picture this year, but they do show some promise. I think Burnett is expendable for the Blue Jay and a young catcher is what they really need since both of their's are in their mid 30s. That of course means May is the key to this deal and could be a great player for Gaston.
LA's Reason-As I said before they need another starting pitcher to really make that final push and Torre knows Burnett fairly well from managing the Yankees. They can afford to lose May since no one sees Russell Martin going anywhere anytime soon.

Now the final big trade, and sorry Dews it is not Sherrill, the Os I don't think will be able to get the price their asking for.

Pittsburgh Pirates trade Jason Bay, OF to the Detroit Tigers for Jeff Frazier, OF; William Rhymes, 2B; Daniel Christianson,P; Casey Fien, P; Josh Rainwater, P and Jonah Nickerson, P.

Pittsburgh's Reason-They would need a killer bounty to trade Jason Bay and I think that is exactly what the Tigers could give them. The key to all six of these players are they are ready, next year or the year after that ready for the majors. The Pirates have a major youth movement going on and a move like this could give them some of those key people they need to succeed in the future.
Detroit's Reason-Sheffield isn't 100%, Thames hasn't been playing as well as he should and they're in a dog fight in the Central with the White Sox and Twins. I think Bay is a Leland type player and would excel big time with his first big opportunity to play in the playoffs. They once again give up a lot, but they get maybe the best player on the lower tier teams out there. As I have typed this the Tigers have traded Pudge to the Yankees for Kyle Farnsworth. Finally, the only pitcher ever to charge the plate is playing in Detorit, long live the Bad Boys.

MLB Power Rankings- Week 7

*Lance Berkman, LSWTF Player of the Week*

Michael: [in the office, imitating the terminator] I'll be baaaaack! And I am baaaack!
Pam: How'd it go?
Michael: No. No, Pam. I'm baaaaaack! For gooood!

Yes, one of the greatest quotable shows on tv……ever "The Office"! Let’s see, a lot has gone on in the past 2 weeks. I am engaged, the gang went camping, and I am job hunting….again. My apologies go out to the devout masses who look forward to my weekly power rankings. The theme of the week has been pitching, lots and lots of good pitching. Without further ado, let the debates begin.

1 (2) Arizona Diamondbacks (26-15) – They have struggled a lot at the plate these past weeks. Reynolds, Byrnes, and Young just can’t seem to click in May. Luckily for the Backs they have Webb (9-0), Haren (4-2, .99 WHIP), and Owings (5-1).

2 (4) Chicago Cubs (25-16) – First off, Dempster tossed 9 k’s in his last start; which is a testament of things to come. The guy was a reliever for all these years and is making good on his rare spot starts. Soriano is playing terrible baseball and the Cubs brought in Jim Edmonds to “Motivate” him. Yeh, nice try. What I love about the Cubs is that middle infield depth consisting of Mike Fontenot, Ryan Therot, Mark Derosa, and Ronny Cedeno.

3 (21) Tampa Bay Rays (24-17) – A lot has happened in 2 weeks, one being the complete dominance of the Rays in the AL West. Let’s break it down: Swept the Angels, took 2 of 3 vs the Jays, and took 3 of 4 from the Yanks. Sure the Saux swept them earlier in the month, but the O’s remedied that quickly, eh Dewey? Oh, did I mention Scott Kazmir is back?? Hmmmm danger Hank Steinbrenner, Danger!!

4 (8) Oakland A's (23-19) – They deserve this and everyone here knows it. They may not play sexy baseball but they win. They dominated April (A month we all know them to truly suck in). However, they are currently struggling in May but so is everyone else. True, they got roughed up by the Indians but ask Oriole fan (whom the A’s swept earlier in the month), this team is for real. Oh, and somebody give Emil Brown a cookie for carrying the offense on his back (.269, 4HR, 33RBI).

5 (1) Boston Red Sox (24-19) –It pains me to keep them on the top 5. I mean Red Saux Nation went into Camden Yards and was HUMILIATED. Despite Dewey’s bombardment of trash talk (The whole Jon Lester argument), Dews still managed to be humble. Also, need I remind you that the Twins took 3 of 4 games prior? But im not couting the Saux out just yet. Ellsbury is playing like the ROY candidate of last year and ManRam can still hit. 2 HR away to 500! Side note- Fatollo, errr Bartolo Calon is pitching excellent in AAA right now.

6 (25) Houston Astros (24-18) – Even I need to take a step back and reflect. We all knew the offense was good, but the recent success of the pitching took me off guard. Oswalt is pitching great, Wandy Rodriguez is proving to be a solid #2, and Brandon Backe is well, back! Let’s not forget that the Stro’s have won 9 of their last 11 games. Props to Lance Berkman for playing like an MVP candidate. Oh, and Miguel Tejada must be like fine wine. The older he GOT, the better he is.

7 (3) LA Angels (24-19) – They own first place in the West by a thread and their pitching savior, John Lackey got r-o-u-g-h-e-d up!! But pitchers coming off major injury tend to do that, so don’t drool just yet A fan. Santana and Saunders continue to pitch well but can they keep doing it through September. I think not! I believe the success of this team rests on the shoulders of Vlad the Great (.269, 4HR, 20RBI). Yikes!

8 (16) Cleveland Indians (22-19) – C.C Sabathia, Cliff Lee, and now Aaron laffey. They have the starters and now Kobayashi closing games. I love the pitching in Cleveland. But the problem is now in the hands of the offense. Sure, they can get on base but nobody can drive them home. Casey Blake leads the team with 25rbi. They need a more consistent RBI guy if they want to win those close games. Oh, props to Grady Sizemore for reminding the young folk what Ricky Henderson meant to baseball back in the day (That awesome lead-off HR and then follow with another on Saturday) *Jack- Not a comparison but it was refreshing to see a lead-off hitter imitate, even for one day*

9 (11) Baltimore Orioles (21-19) – Calm down Dews, the O’s earned this for making ME excited about Oriole baseball over the weekend. That sweep silenced Red Sox Nation at least for a weekend. As we all know, its not easy to quiet them. To be honest, I don’t think the momentum will last as the rotation seems to be overworked and the offense is non-existent (Well, except for that JAY PAYTON Grand Slam). And for the record, Nick Markakis isn’t the best Greek in baseball, that honor would go to Kevin Youkalis. Sorry bra’.

10 (15) Florida Marlins (23-17) – I know Marlin fan must be disappointed with the 10 rank and I don’t blame them. But a sweep against the Nats followed by GETTING swept by the Reds doesn’t help much. The offense has proved they are top of the pack in the majors. Hanley Ramirez is awesome and Dan Uggla is proving that you can still succeed despite a terrible sophomore season. My only beef is the pitching. The pitching is terrible in every aspect.

11 (7) St Louis Cardinals (24-19) – I think the luster is starting to fade on the Cardinals. Sure, Albert Pujols is playing like an MVP and the pitching is looking solid (With the exception of Izzy in the closer role). But The Pirates took 2 of 3 as did the Brewers. They need to win those series! I do love that outfield though; Skip Shumaker, Rick “Man Child” Ankiel, and Chris Duncan. Not sexy, but productive.

12 (20) Philadelphia Philly’s (23-19) – Cole Hamels; my fantasy savior, threw a brilliant CG SO against the Braves last night. I do, however, feel this team needs serious help (Brett Myers got LIT THE FUCK UP against the Braves earlier in the week). The pitching is still horrible, and Pat Burrell’s hot streak seems to be at an end as well. BUT, Jimmy Rollins is back and Chase Utley is still cranking balls. There might still be some hope in Philly. SIDE NOTE- Yes, the Giants took 2 of 3 games vs the Phills over the weekend.

13 (17) LA Dodgers (21-19) – I still think they are in deep trouble and getting swept by the Astro’s doesn’t help either. AndrEw Jones hit a homerun (I think that’s worth highlighting). The pitching has been so-so; as Derek Lowe proved to me once again why I need to drop him from my fantasy team. I do see a bright shining star though in a cloud full of smog, Blake DeWitt.

14 (5) Chicago White Sox (20-20) – I think they are a much better team than #14 rank. But Thome has 1 hit in his last 3 games, Nick Swisher is proving that Clint can see into the future and should be considered a witch/sorcerer/The Emperor, and the Sox middle infield is crap. It is worth mentioning that a fellow fantasy owner offered me Paul Konerko for Tyler Walker…….In the words on Quagmire “Giggidy Giggidy GOOO, Aaaaaallrigh”.

15 (9) New York Yankees (20-22) – I am not ready to kick them out of the top 15. Call me stubborn but its true. Sure they are in last place but with the talent and payroll that they have, it’s only a matter of time until they break the slump. Arod is back next week which is an immediate upgrade and good reason to keep them at this rank. The pitching is terrible, but rookie Darrell Rasner could be a bright spot (2-0, 3.00 ERA).

16 (13) New York Mets (21-20) – They are out of the top 15 for a good reason. How are they this bad??? Carlos Beltran is getting better and that could be a good sign. I never would have thought the best pitcher in baseball, Johan Santana (4-2) would be this mediocre. Oh, it’s not his fault but still. It boggles the mind!! Oh, and good luck recovering from that awful series with the Nationals. 1 win out of 4, come on!!

17 (6) Milwaukee Brewers (20-21) – Their record is exactly where it should be. Rickie Weeks, Bill Hall, and Prince Fielder have a combined AVG of .211. Those are everyday starters!! I think its time to dump Bill Hall, put red hot Ryan Braun back at 3b, and call up super-man-giant rookie Matt LaPorta. I still like the rotation even without Gallardo, but the Gagne experiment needs to end!!

18 (23) Atlanta Braves (20-20) – John Smoltz is the teams new closer. I think this is an excellent move. The rotation needs young blood and well, a closer. This move addresses both needs. Oh and when did Mark Kotsay become good again? The guy is playing with passion again!! That, and if you have been living under a rock lately, Chipper Jones gives all Brave fans a reason to smile.

19 (29) Texas Rangers (20-22) – I still hate this teams pitching, but Vicente Padilla is FINALLY playing respectable baseball. That and my pre-season theory of simply outscoring the opponent to win games are being utilized. That and Josh Hamilton IS an MVP and Comeback player of the year right now. The guy is simply making up for lost years.

20 (19) San Francisco Giants (17-25) – You God Damn right we stay in the top 20. Sure we had a few bumps but name another team behind us that is doing any better? We took 2 of 3 against the Philly’s, Matt Cain finally won a game, and Tim Lincecum is showing the world that he can win on a mediocre team. Sure the Astro’s beat us up but we did keep it competitive. Aaron Rowand (.333 5HR, 20RBI, 12 doubles) is playing PHE-NOMINAL baseball. His lack of RBIs is accredited to the fact that nobody in front of him can get on base.

21 (28) Pittsburgh Pirates (20-21) – Ok, the Pirates did sweep the Giants, but it’s my rankings so I’m allowed a discrepancy. The rotation lacks consitancy as does the rest of the bullpen. I do find it funny that the more Jason Bay bashing that I do, the better he becomes. So for the remainder of this week, he is UTTERLY USELESS!!

22 (24) Minnesota Twins (20-20) – They may warrant a top 20 but all you need to do is look at the record. Yeh, they beat up on the Saux, but they were also Toronto’s whipping boy as they got swept. Morneau is finally driving in runs but he only seems to drive in Joe Mauer. The team needs more offensive weapons. Don’t get me started on the pitching, unless you really want me to say that Livan Hernandez is this team’s ace. I know I threw up also just writing it.

22 (30) Washington Nationals (18-24) – Who would have thought the Nats would do what they did against the Mets. I did?? Nah, but seriously, the pitching is looking pretty solid now. Tim Redding and John Lannan are carrying the rotation and support guys like Odalis Perez and Shawn Hill a little better (All 4 with ERA’s under 4).

23 (27) Kansas City Royals (19-21) – They swept the Tigers…..AGAIN!! If only they played Detroit everyday. The problem in KC is that nobody can score any runs. Yes, they hit for average and yes they can draw walks, but nobody has stepped up to drive them in. Zach Greinke and Brian Bannister are pitching good enough to compensate for bad hitting. If Meche can get on track, the Royals could have a formidable 1-2-3 in the rotation. The AL Rookie favorite of mine, Luke Hochevar, is making a decent case for ROY. Good stuff!

24 (22) Toronto Blue Jays (20-22) – Vernon Wells, The Jays BEST player, is out 6-8 weeks. Yeh, that is Granted, they got the sweep over the Twins but I don’t see any player in the organization picking up his slack. I foresee bad days ahead in Canada, Eh.

25 (26) Cincinnati Reds- (18-23) – I think there is a good future in the Reds rotation, along side Harang we have Cueto and Volquez. The problem isn’t really the pitching though; it’s the complete lack of offense. Sure they swept the Marlins, but the team’s best hitter, Jeff Keppinger, is out 6 weeks with a broken kneecap. And yes, I said Jeff Keppinger is their best player.

26 (12) San Diego Padres (15-27) – What the hell happened here? I have no explanation. I literally have nothing to say *I am laughing my ass off right now though*. Padre fan was convinced the Giants would occupy last place. Sure, the Giants COULD in the future, but just not now. *Yes, im still laughing my ass off right now*

27 (14) Colorado Rockies (15-26) – Again, I sit here laughing my ass off. How does a World Series team go from great success to utter failure? Helton and Holliday are not producing and the pitching is garbage.

28 (18) Seattle Mariners (16-26) – It is a bad sign when Ichiro is hitting under .300 and failing to score runs. The team relies on the one universal truth, and that is him GETTING ON BASE. I think the Jeff Clement and Wladamir Balentien experiment has been an utter failure as well. Erik Bedard and Felix Hernandez are pitching very well but not getting any run support. Just 4 wins combined.

29 (10) Detroit Tigers (16-25) – Parody does in fact exist in baseball. If you don’t believe me just take a look at the Tigers. Crap for pitching (With the exception of Armando Galarraga) and crap for offense (with the exception of Magglio Ordonez). What happened to this powerhouse team? What sad is that I think things will get even worse!! D-Damn Tigers, you cant get swept by the Royals twice!

Five for Friday

First out, an interesting column from former Phillie, Cub, and Ranger Doug Glanville on how quickly a baseball player goes from green horn to wise old vet. But, I think there's a subtext here that we can apply to the 2008 election. Writes Glanville:

These inspirational anomalies make us understand that experience and time are not one and the same. You could have sat in major league locker rooms for decades and still not have the impact of a one-person movement. And when that kind of universal and era-free player comes knocking, we have to answer the door and let him in.

Second, if you're in the Vermont dating scene like me, watch the eff out.

Third, back to baseball. Anyone catch Justin Masterson's line yesterday? 6 IP, 2H, 1ER, 4BB. Not bad for a 23-year old making his debut against a lineup that includes Torii Hunter, Vlad the Impaler, and the AL hits leader, Chone Figgins. Also, Masterson is the first Jamaican-born player to make it to the bigs. Not bad at all Mr. Masterson. He's been lights-out in AA, with a 0.95 ERA so far. Can't wait to see what he can do in the rotation full-time.

Fourth, and I'm super pumped about this one: Guillermo del Toro is going to direct the forthcoming Hobbit movies. In my opinion, the man is a genius. They are going to be spectacles to behold.

Last, on the international scene, the NYT ran a feature on Vladimir Putin and his cronies essentially making the Russian Orthodox Church the official religion of Russia, or at least the official Christian church of Russia. There's a ton that you can read into this article, but I think that the most striking, in my opinion, is how illustrative this is of the lengths Russia still needs to go to become a modern democracy. It's not just that there is no practical freedom of religion in Russia; its that the people interviewed in this article don't seem to understand the concept. The article displays some cognitive dissonance: they are intellectually in favor of religious freedom, but on a day to day basis support hegemony and state-sponsored religion in the name of preserving Russian-ness. There simply isn't a practical understanding by the Russian people as a whole of what this means, or so this article demonstrates. It's truly sad.

Have a great weekend everyone!