GOP Slogan Buffoonery

This story is all over the place, but bears repeating.

In their attempt take advantage of the American public's sincere desire for change (read some more here how there will be absolutely no conservative majority for decades to come), House Republicans have come up with a new slogan, calling themselves "the change you deserve."

Well, there's a tiny problem: the slogan is trademarked.

Trademarked and being used to market anti-depressants. Oops. Is anyone else having visions of a re-make of Brain Candy with an ensemble cast of prominent Republicans? Can they get Larry Craig to play the in-the-closet gay dad who comes out after taking the drug? This could be brilliant.

America's Threat Warning

Has elevated........Yes, another bear attack!

This time a celebrity bear attacked his trainer and killed him with a bite to the neck. The bear, named Rocky, last appeared in Will Farrell's, "Semi-Pro". I know this is sad news but I cant help but see the irony that this happened during a "Predators in Action" show in California. What part of "Deadly and blood thirsty animals" do some people not get??

One of the single worst ideas in the history of everything, ever

Villanova law student Jeremy Clark wants to take his gun with him to campus because he feels vulnerable. I can imagine how that feels. No one wants to be sitting in Estates class at 8:30 in the morning and field a tough question on the Rules Against Perpetuities. But Mr. Clark's worry isn't about tough legal hypotheticals (though, from his position on guns in the classroom, he ought to be); no, Mr. Clark is worried that he's going to get shot before his nascent legal career begins. His solution: allow students to carry concealed firearms.

I know from personal experience that this is the worst idea ever. Law school is probably one of the most demanding academic experiences a student could undertake, both intellectually and emotionally. First-year students go crazy all the time trying to keep up with the work (I was lucky to have broken my leg playing rugby during my first year: all I could do was sit and work, so first year for me was less stressful than for most). During my third year, a first year at my law school went a little nuts. The guy was a former serviceman, like Mr. Clark. The guy had gone from Marine to fat, smelly, bearded, mountain man, and he chained smoked Marlboro menthols while pacing around campus talking on his cell. He also got wasted at the bar a bunch. In the middle of his first year, the guy pulled some sort of gun at the bar (I wasn't there). Rumor was that he was arrested more or less peacefully, but everyone at school kept their distance from him for the rest of the year.

The point is, I would never want to be in a high-stress environment where the people around me could carry concealed weapons, especially in law school. Law students are unstable, emotional, and unreasonable. I don't care how fast you are on the draw. If some jerk two rows behind you freaks out about a section 2-207 question in Sales class, gun or not, you're toast. Best not to let anyone carry to begin with.

Red Sox Nation vs Yankee Country

God why oh why did Hank have to open his big dumb mouth and start the debate of "Red Sox Nation". In his attempt to diminish Boston and their new-found glory, Hank Steinbrenner had to say :

"Red Sox Nation? What a bunch of [expletive] that is," he said in an interview with The New York Times' Play magazine. "That was a creation of the Red Sox and ESPN, which is filled with Red Sox fans.
"Go anywhere in America and you won't see Red Sox hats and jackets, you'll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country. We're going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order."

Now granted, i couldn't agree more with Hank. Red Sox Nation is a fabricated description of BOSTON fans. We can thank Peter Gammon's for that one. But it never really bothered me (in fact, fuel the fire to my loathing of Red Sox fans) until now. The smugness and "shit don't stink" attitude has rubbed off on the former Marlins Principal/Current money whore, John Henry, to where he has officially inducted Hank into the Red Sox Nation. Hank, not known for snappy comebacks like dear old dad, graciously declined.

Call me an antagonist here, but I was hoping for Holly War here. Ive been to Yankee Stadium and have seen Red Sox fans get the shit kicked out of them (while cops turn the other cheek and snicker) just for sporting a Beantown hat. I want that kind of rivalry to continue and on a greater scale. I want all out hooliganism to reign supreme. But Hank had to spoil the fun and play along with it. Oh well, here is for hoping.

On a side note- Only Red Sox nation would get a kick out of Jonathon Papelbon performing Michael Flattery's greatest River Dance hits. . Enjoy the video

DC & H's Five for Friday

Happy Friday everyone. I hope you all had a great Singles Awareness Day.

First off, out of my home town, comes Jaime Deforge, 28, who wanted to teach a bartender a lesson about handling too much cash at one time in public. Mr. Deforge brought a loaded handgun to the bar, dropped the weapon, and then put it on the bar in order to show the bartender just how easy it was for someone to sneak a gun in. His BAC was .22. I wish I could say that things like this happen infrequently, but, well, this is Barre. After the bartender told him he had to leave, he replied that it was all okay because he's in the National Guard. I say hopefully not for long. Summing up his predicament, Mr. Deforge said "I just don't want to be treated like a dirt bag." Unintentional comedy factor = 10.

Second, and also out of Vermont, is Republican candidate John McCain making a stop in Burlington for an appearance with our Governor Do-nothing, err, Douglas. Hundreds of supporters showed up, which means that the entire Vermont Republican Party was in Burlington yesterday, along with a couple hundred curious folks. I'm kind of puzzled, however. Why even make the trip? It's not like 1) he's going to need our delegates this badly and 2) like he'll lose this state to the Huckster. Did he really think that a bunch of old-time Yankee Republicans were going to go to Huckabee? But really, the thing that really confuses is this: why has a Republican presidential candidate come to Vermont before a Democratic one?

Third, despite all this foolishness from the Republicans, I am glad to report that Senator Arlen Spector of Pennsylvania has solved all of our domestic and foreign problems. He has to have. Why else would he be spending his time investigating the NFL's role in Spygate? Good work Senator.

Fourth, I'm not done picking on Republicans today. Yesterday, the House voted to issue contempt citations to White House counsel and former Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers and White House chief of staff Joshua Bolten in connection with their roles in the US Attorney firings. But, nearly every Republican in the House walked out in protest. The Republicans' rationale was that the House should've been addressing a bill they said will enhance our national security instead of the contempt citations. Look, Republicans, you're dead wrong on this one. If our President has been trying to corrupt the justice system, we should know. I'm pretty sure some minor national security bill can wait a day or two. Shame on you again, Republicans.

Fifth and finally, some candid photos from the campaign trail. I wished we'd had this one yesterday.

Another *YAWN* Super Bowl Halftime

As you all know by now, we will be forced to suffer through yet another bullshit Super Bowl halftime show. I do like me some Tom Petty but even his massive pot use and memories of The Traveling Wilburys cannot save this show. But perhaps a bit of good luck has reigned down on to us; this legion of red meat eating, beer chugging, football hooligans. It appears the human donkey show, Paula Abdul will NOT perform live during the halftime show. Apparently her excessive "downer" use, memories of past on stage devastation, and overall stupidity has scared her away from a performing a live show. Instead, a taped performance will be shown on the University of Arizona Mega-Screen.

I know its not much but at least its something. Something to give us a reason to watch the halftime show. Speaking freely to those Vegas bound WTF'ers; we can bet on just about anything during the halftime show, even when Ryan Seacrest will "slip" off stage and "inserting himself" into Tom Brady's backside. I hope that this news brings some comfort to those who will watch via home, bar, party, strip club, whatever.

Nevermind the fact we havent been given a decent half time show since ZZ Top took center stage during the Packers vs Patriots Super Bowl 10 years ago. Damn, that was a good show.

Can't make this stuff up

I love Vermont for no other reason than this kind of stuff happens all the time. A man in Leicester, Vt. was charged with DUI after flipping his truck on his way to pick up his ex-wife...who had been arrested for DUI a couple hours earlier. Awesome.

Bombs Away.....

My inner child is still laughing at this douche bag. The adult side of me wonders why this douche bag didnt get out of the way after the "warning shot". Enjoy....


http://view.break.com/439964 - Watch more free videos

Happy Friday

Happy Friday everyone. Last night was a neat night for me. I got pulled over for speeding, and got off with a warning. What was cool was that the officer that pulled me over was a woman. And hot. I have a buddy on the force. I'm totally getting her number.

Let's see, news for today. First, Randy Moss will be catching balls in the Super Bowl, not answering the battery lawsuit in Florida. That's not totally news, but I love the fact that Randy's lawyer flat out called the suit (in ESPN-speak) "bullsh--." Awesome, counselor Sharpstein. But, really, don't we all want to see Randy hire this guy? (may require you to scroll up)

We all know that politicians should be careful about showing their emotions. A well-placed tear during a moving event or a hearty chuckle with a big lush are okay. Telling your mayoral assistant you're madly in love with her, especially after your city spent $9 million on a whistle blower trial, is not. Also, after you read that, tell me if I had this right: did they actually send 14,000 text messages to each other over two months? Is that even possible?

I'm still pissed about Dana Jacobson (link with vodka-riffic pic). Kelly Tilghman got two weeks for the lynch comment. Jacobson waited two weeks to apologize and was suspended a couple days. Yet another example of ESPN's growing suckage.

The New York Times has endorsed Hillary Clinton in the primaries. It's not a suprise, really, but as the rest of the crew here will tell you, it's not the right choice. The gist of their endorsement: Hillary has the (ugh) experience to hit the ground running and get things done. Fine. I know she will get things done. I question what those things will be if she's elected. She represents an entrenched approach to solving problems, and her presidency would result in the collection of power in the hands of a few. There may be change, but it will only be a switch from the conservative elite to the liberal elite. We need someone else.

Lastly, only 22 days until pitchers and catchers report. That's effing awesome.

Jacobson benched for allegedly bigoted remarks

ESPN's Dana Jacobson has been suspended for a drunken rant during a roast for Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic of the Mike and Mike Show. Before being pulled off stage, rumor is she managed to drop f-bombs about Notre Dame, Touchdown Jesus, and, well, Jesus. She's apologized, although it took her nearly two weeks to do it. Must've been a killer hangover.

ESPN isn't saying much, and there's no video of the rant (though I'd love to see it). Question is: if Kelly Tilghman got a two-week suspension for her lynch comment about Tiger Woods, what should Jacobson get? I'm thinking the old pink slip.

Seriously, wtf: Westboro Baptist Church to picket Heath Ledger's Funeral.

This more or less speaks for itself. I'd link to their website, but I don't want to give them the traffic.

Signs the end is nigh

The Associated Press is reporting that Oprah Winfrey is getting her own TV network in 2009. Yes, that's right, the Oprah Winfrey Network, or OWN. It'll be replacing the Discovery Health network.

So, we can infer a couple of things from this. The first, and easiest, is that the world is coming to an end, so please promptly tuck your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye. It's been good knowing you.

Second, we live in a truly retarded society. Discovery is about to replace a network geared towards teaching people how to life healthy with an entire network pretty much devoted to making you feel better about sitting on your butt all day long. This is easily a market decision: Oprah sells better than health, so Oprah gets (this is still hard to wrap my mind around) an entire network.

Say it with me, just for the effect: her entire network.

Truly, a sad, sad society.

Celebrity Steroid Probe

You know I never really thought about any steroid investigation involving anyone other than sports athletes. I never really cared but apparently law officials in Albany, NY do and found some very interesting names on the list of those who are known to have purchased and used steroids. Mary J Blidge, Tyler Perry, Timberland, Wycliff Jean, and 50 Cent (Big Shocker) are among the list of celebs on the list of celebs that purchased and used steroids. Im sure if they keep digging though they will find LL Cool J and Glenn Danzing, among others.

But my question to you fine people is: Do we care?? Steroids wont make a singer sing better. Sure they would look better on stage but what kind of advantage do they get? Unlike cocaine and marijuana, steroids cant help you write a better song or perform a dance move that much better. To me, they are like the drug pushers we see in the locker room every day. Very Laughable!!

On a side note, Sylvester Stallone was arrested in Japan for toting human growth hormones. YES, the same charge he got arrested for in Australia back in 2005. Shane said it best. You need to be drunk to watch Rambo IV. I say, you need to be drunk to see just about anything he is in.

Thank GOD for Natural Selection

Not to be an asshole here, but I believe that every life is not worth taking (I can already hear Shane chuckling at his desk 2 blocks away) but in this case, I can make an exception. Some moron fan at a San Francisco Niners football game yesterday, Sunday, December 9th, died while misjudging a jump off of a ramp..

First off, why did this guy have to do it in SF. We have a bad team, why do we need this bad press??? This is almost as bad as the Niners sex tape, ERRR i mean training video for rookies back in 2005. This is a clear case as to Darwin's law of Natural Selection. The weak shall perish. Obviously this guy was pretty stupid, hence, weak! Apparently this is not the first time fans at our beloved CANDLESTICK PARK have died. The first time, in 1980, 2 geniuses decided to ride a dumpster down the ramp and died. In the words of Mr. Carlos Mencia "Dee Dee Deeeee!!!"

Teddy Bear Nonsence

My God, i know this is rather mainstream of an issue but being an American citizen with fundamental rights, I must say this whole Teddy Bear Mohammed thing is getting way out of control. First of all, you fundamentalist Islamic extremist: ITS A FUCKING TOY!!!! Second of all, you expect the world to not think your blood hungry jihadists and then you pull this crap. Apparently protesters in Sudan are calling for the execution of the British teacher Gillian Gibbons. Yeh, because her classroom ELECTED to name a teddy bear Mohammed. Again, the class ELECTED to do this. If their parents were so opposed of this, then why did they not preach to their children that naming something other than a human Mohammed is wrong?? Or better yet, why did you send your children to be taught by a Westerner?? I could go on about this.

Im just tired of these people, yes "These People"; who wield their Koran along side their swords and guns, using Mohammed as a tool for terrorism and death. Obviously this teacher did not know hence you educate them. Why are you so quick to murder? and yes, its murder!! I hope that the UK does everything in their power to free this woman. She does not deserve to rot in prison for 15 days to satisfy 2000 year old bullshit laws. She was on a voluntary mission to educate children since the country seems to not want to do it themselves. You expect other nations to show sympathy for your plight, but what happens when you pull this bullshit on people who come to help? They stop helping. Think about it.

Just my random Friday morning rant.......Im sure someone will call for a Jihad on me, but luckily for me, I live in a country that grants me civil rights and freedom of speech!

"I Want to Kiss You!!!"

Even though there is a writers strike going on, Hollywood still keeps on chugging on. When I say chugging on I really mean hiding the fact that the industry is slowly dying. News flash- A conglomerate of writers who form a union will NOT write once on strike. In an effort to turn a blind eye, it has been announced that our good cowboy buddy (who proved Eric Cartman's theory that "All independant movies contain gay cowboys eating pudding" well before Brokeback Mountain) is playing Joe Namath in his upcoming biopic. Yes, im talking about Jake Gyllenhaal.

First off...."WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY". Secondly, how come other greats got past up for this drunk stupid asshole? Now im not knocking Jake, hell Donnie Darko was a pretty damn good movie. Sure, Namath was good and predicted a superbowl win in 1969 but Namath?? Im sure to some i answered my own question but some will agree with me that this is beyond stupid. I can name about 10 others who deserve a movie. How about the Saints kicker with half a foot? Now thats a story. How about Vince Lombardi, Red Grange, or Pop Warner? Im sure they have movies already made but a remake would be better than this moron right?? Hell, give us Tark, Jim Brown, or Unitus!!

The best part of this movie concept is the chick who plays Suzy Kolber. The chick who Namoth wanted to drunk-make-out-with on Monday Night Football. For those of you who forgot, enjoy the drunkeness and slur talk.

Sesame Streets Detour

I couldnt stop laughing when I read this article, hell, im still laughing. Apparently the original "Sesame Street" episodes are being released on DVD with an adult rating. WOW says I. I never thought that the day would come when Sesame street would have a PG-13 rating. Im exaggerating but im kinda not. The pot smoking stupid asshole hippies who watched the show as kids now deem it to violent for the new generation of pot smoking hippies.

Times do change but the message always stays the same I always say, hence, let the kids watch the closet same sex marriage proponents Bert and Ernie,
the Diabetic Cookie Monster, the ADD Elmo, the Obese Yellow Bird, Grover on acid, the Pot smoking Elephant creature, the Depressed Oscar, and the OCD counting vampire. Just because we gave a name to the character problems doesnt mean they should be explicit for young children. Hell, I watched the show and turned out just fine "twitch twitch"

WoooooooooooHAT??

I know, right? Why do mediocre has-been actors and performers been so adamant about grabbing the political spotlight in this election??? Yes, another powerhouse A list celebrity has endorsed another political candidate, that being Rick "The Nature Boy" Flair. Mr. Woooooooooooooo has endorsed Mike Hukabee as his presidential favorite. Sorry Shane, im not attacking the wrestler himself; he was a damn fine performer back in the day. It bothers me to no end that has been actors think they have some kind of pull. Sure, Chuck Norris could have swayed the election with his chin-fist, but after he shaved off the beard, we realized he does in fact have a chin and not a 3rd fist.

I dont remember this kind of mediocre endorsements in prior elections. It was really big when an organization, such as the NAACP, AFL-CIO, or any other legitimate Union would endorse you. Hell, politicians would scramble and fight for that nomination and they actually meant something. But those days are over. It appears all you need to do to be president is to knock on the surreal life door and pray that Mini-me, Webster, or Vanilla Ice were home. Jose Conseco doesnt count however.

Im not just annoyed that these C-Lister's nominate GOP, coz LORD knows George Clooney and Jason Alexander are out there begging to announce their endorsement for Hillary Clinton or hell, George Clooney. What annoys me is that it gets the front page treatment. There are more important things going on in the world that deserve more attention that Norris and Flair.

Side note- For those of you who love Real Time with Bill Mauer, let me take you back to the funniest dis EVER (2004 Election year)...

Ron Silver (Actor)- "I cant get work in Hollywood anymore because I vote Republican"
Bill Mauer- "You cant get a job in Hollywood because your name IS Ron Silver"

Bonds Indicted

That's right, Dews' boy, Barry Lamar Bonds, has been indicted on federal perjury and obstruction of justice charges. What does that really mean? It means that the federal investigators presented enough evidence for a federal grand jury to formally charge Bonds with the crime. That means the federal prosecutors have evidence of Bonds' performance enhancing drug use. This is intense.

Although the media is already sizing Bonds up for a prison uniform instead of a baseball uniform (and that might not be jumping the gun all that much), the spotlight is really on Commish Selig, in my opinion.

Baseball has come down hard on those who would harm the integrity of the game ever since the Black Sox Scandal in 1919. The idea is that the game should be played competitively and cheating should not be tolerated in any way. For decades, proof of betting on games, even if you weren't playing in them, led to your ban from the game. Ask Pete Rose about that one. Bonds' actions threaten the integrity of the game in the same way that the Black Sox or Pete Rose did. The Black Sox threw the World Series and Rose violated the most well-known rule in baseball. Bonds used illegal substances to gain an advantage. He unbalanced the playing field (and in a scary way for a player of his natural talents).

So, Mr. Commisioner, you have some thinking to do, but you have some time to do it. If Bonds is convicted of perjury (or takes a plea deal), you should ban him from baseball, just like the Black Sox and Pete Rose. Be the next Kenesaw Mountain Landis. Invalidate his records, you certainly have reason to do so. In fact, wipe him off the books. Make an example of him, and let every player in baseball know that if they use these drugs, the same fate awaits them. It's the right thing to do, and it's the right thing for baseball.

S.C. Dems vote to keep Stephen Colbert off primary ballot

The South Carolina Democratic Party voted 13-3 to keep Colbert off its primary ballot. That is, without a doubt, the single most disappointing thing the S.C. Democrats have probably ever (I know nothing about the S.C. Dems, mostly because I didn't know there were any; consequently they could be much more disappointing than this).

Look, Colbert might be a comic, but at least he's using his comedy to point out the stunning retardedness of our political process and conservativism. How can this not advance the S.C. Dems' political goals? Can you imagine him on a stage with Hillary and Barack while in character? It'd be hilarious, and voters of all stripes would tune in. That means more people listening to Democratic ideas (between Colbert jokes). And you folks blew it down there in South Cackalacky.

If you want to complain, shoot an email to their executive director, Joe Werner: jwerner@scdp.org